imposter.
The rain is falling
I am both appreciative of and a bit intimidated by the folks around me. I don't have the big words on concepts that they do. I do not know the philosophy or Sciences. I believe that I would have, had I not strayed so far from myself in my early life. These folks have contributed so much and are working on so much, and I barely know what I am doing these days. Struggling to keep my orthocosmic body ticking?
imposter.
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I've only just started following the path that I should have been on years ago. There is so much I don't know but there is folks can teach me.
crisis
The real admission here is that I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I went to school to be a developer, after "solving" my dilemma of what I wanted to do with my life. Art or technology. Writing or development. Part of what I have been going through recently has been a complete crisis insofar as the direction of my life.
crisis
The reality being that I didn't solve anything. I just said "I'll get more out of going to school for software. I can always write in my spare time"
And then what little attention I could focus on things was spent on school and no projects and now a job.
And I haven't written anything.
And I know that I won't
Or I will struggle…
crisis
It all seems like another thing that's not fair.
About the lives we -must- lead to survive.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
And I feel like it's too late…
And so many things that I've valued doing… MUCKS, role-play… it's all largely in the past.
And I can't seem to even get a job doing what i went to school for.
crisis
@Oneironott it isn't too late. I have also spent far too much of my life doing what I had to, surviving... but the other things, the worthwhile things, are still here. they will wait for you. I promise. *sends gentle hug thoughts*
