Gender stuff
So yeah, been having some difficult feelings of my own lately, relating to my fractally-weird preference for (heavily-queered) masculinity both in myself and my partners. And writing it out like that doesn't even sound right, it's one of those frustrating 'this makes sense in my head but doesn't come out in words' things.
Gender stuff
It's like, if I have to be taken as one of the binary options, I'd rather it be M, because I have a degree of experience and comfort with playing in that space and subverting it.
When it comes to being recognized as nonbinary.... to be completely fucking honest I don't really have much trust that the modern discourse can DO that in a way that doesn't discuss it in terms of the binary labels. I blame culture for this, not people, but it basically still leaves me in the same M place.
Gender stuff
This is sorta related to some stuff I was realizing back in January, running into folks I'd known from back in California, who also turned out to be trans. And I found myself thinking 'oh gods I hope they don't read me as trans too' because, with them not knowing the context, it seemed most likely that if they did, they'd read me as transfeminine-and-doing-it-wrong.
Gender stuff
So like the upshot here is it turns out the way I want to be read and treated depends powerfully on my social distance to someone.
Random people on the street: Please be royally confused by my queerness.
People close to me: Can I please just be a soft boy
In-between those two: ?????
Gender stuff, now with a specific question about pronouns
Okay whoa yeah @cassolotl@cybre.space and @vagabondsun are right, I'm basically setting up a third-person equivalent of tu/vous here. XD
I always felt like that was really hard for me to remember in French too though. >.<
Gender stuff
@indi *soft boy high fives*
Gender stuff, now with a specific question about pronouns
@indi tbh it seems like a reasonable request to me? one could liken it to the T/V distinction that exists in a lot of languages except in the 3rd person rather than the 2nd
Gender stuff, now with a specific question about pronouns
@CoronaCoreanici Yeeeeah that's the 'counter-intuitive' part. :\
Gender stuff, now with a specific question about pronouns
@CoronaCoreanici Yes, yes, that does seem more common, that's what I am saying. :)
Gender stuff, now with a specific question about pronouns
@indi It doesn't seem too contextual to me personally, but I'm also fully aware of my own context on the matter. If "genderfluid" as a term can include pronouns dependent on presentation, why can't yours depend on location and association? Seems reasonable enough to me.
I can't speak for anyone else, but as long as you're willing to help me work with the distinctions, I'm willing to try to help.
Gender stuff
@indi It might amuse you that something similar has developed among some of my nearest-and-dearest, in that they tend to follow my owner's lead and use object pronouns for me among themselves. (Aided and abetted by the way that makes me all pleasantly squirmy. *c..c* ) Nobody planned it, it just kinda happened.
Gender stuff, now with a specific question about pronouns
Like, it actually seems like what would be best for me there, when it comes to pronouns, would be something like:
In personal/close-friend contexts, please use 'he'
Otherwise, including when interacting with the rest of the shitty world, 'they' (or 've' if you're hardcore)
But that seems way way WAY too contextual (in a counter-intuitive way) to expect people to go with?