Indi Latrani @indi@awoo.space

I was just doing some newsgroup digging and I'm reasonably sure I got turned on to Werewolf in the first place by a post about a moon phase calculator on alt.lifestyle.furry.

Which led to me looking mine up then eagerly heading to the bookstore to find out what it means.

(Ragabash, BTW. I will pause for a moment for everyone's surprise to die down)

So I ended up starting to read a Werewolf the Apocalypse novel and I'm realizing... This is like already more spiritually fulfilling than like 95% of the pagan books I've read in the past couple years.

I forgot how much that cosmology is (weirdly enough) my comfy-place, very very foundational for me. It's the thing that slotted right into the head of a proto-furry who grew up hearing animism-informed myths and just... took root.

Came home from shopping trip and @Elanna asked me to get the batteries or of the bag. I reached in and absentmindedly pulled out these

Coyote batteries.

(coffee shot and bison jerky)
https://awoo.space/media/AtWEPnh4-goLyrPsEYQ

Okay whoa yeah @cassolotl@cybre.space and @vagabondsun are right, I'm basically setting up a third-person equivalent of tu/vous here. XD

I always felt like that was really hard for me to remember in French too though. >.<

Like, it actually seems like what would be best for me there, when it comes to pronouns, would be something like:

In personal/close-friend contexts, please use 'he'

Otherwise, including when interacting with the rest of the shitty world, 'they' (or 've' if you're hardcore)

But that seems way way WAY too contextual (in a counter-intuitive way) to expect people to go with?

So like the upshot here is it turns out the way I want to be read and treated depends powerfully on my social distance to someone.

Random people on the street: Please be royally confused by my queerness.

People close to me: Can I please just be a soft boy

In-between those two: ?????

This is sorta related to some stuff I was realizing back in January, running into folks I'd known from back in California, who also turned out to be trans. And I found myself thinking 'oh gods I hope they don't read me as trans too' because, with them not knowing the context, it seemed most likely that if they did, they'd read me as transfeminine-and-doing-it-wrong.

It's like, if I have to be taken as one of the binary options, I'd rather it be M, because I have a degree of experience and comfort with playing in that space and subverting it.

When it comes to being recognized as nonbinary.... to be completely fucking honest I don't really have much trust that the modern discourse can DO that in a way that doesn't discuss it in terms of the binary labels. I blame culture for this, not people, but it basically still leaves me in the same M place.

So yeah, been having some difficult feelings of my own lately, relating to my fractally-weird preference for (heavily-queered) masculinity both in myself and my partners. And writing it out like that doesn't even sound right, it's one of those frustrating 'this makes sense in my head but doesn't come out in words' things.

@vahnj
https://awoo.space/media/WqVRQAontvy0ClLVMSk

Mood: Sad and gay (h/t @vahnj ;))

Hot ritual design tip: Take down the smoke detector before filling the room with incense.

Wow I've been jumping topics today. Got so many boosts for my design toot, and then this.

Indi at awoo dot space! Come for the UX, stay for the... Okay y'know what, as far as I'm concerned, spiritwork is UX too. ^.^ Otherworld-interface-design. ^.^

And now for the weird post-ritual food cravings. Raw onion dipped in hummus. *coyoteing*

And, ritual complete. May I formally present: Dancer's Paw. (Zie/zir pronouns, but masc-of-center)
https://awoo.space/media/Ax5aKJDNN-YmTrWJ8SM

Okay, let's do this dedication thing.
https://awoo.space/media/pH4vQOk475Gco3eysB8