LRT: The more I learn about emotional disregulation and RSD in connection to ADHD, the more relieved I feel about finally understanding my emotional landscape.
I've learned to distrust my emotions and try not to show them whenever possible.
This is based on a lifetime of feedback that folks don't understand (or don't care about) my emotional response, and it's really hard to explain how these things feel.
Stuff hurts a LOT, it's easy to be overwhelmed, and you just can't help it. There's no safe outlet.
When I learned about this and tried to start being a bit more open about my emotions (especially at work), I learned that this is compounded by being seen as way more threatening as a black man than other folks. It's hard to regulate emotions, but impossible to display them.
So it's very tough not to come away with the lesson that my emotions are untrustworthy because they're so out of sync with everyone else's, and that expressing them will make folks super uncomfortable in some way.
It's so much easier to be withdrawn.
@jakebe Deepest sympathies. There are aspects of this that I can't possibly understand, but there are echoes within your words that are all too familiar. I see you.