@Motodrachen This whole exercise has been an evolution of mixed feelings. I have enjoyed (mostly) the range days when I've gotten to start practicing so that I can become more familiar with weapons and process through my fears around them.

At the same time, though. being just in physical proximity to guns is never going to feel 100% comfortable to me, I don't feel. Nor will I feel comfortable emotionally holding them. So far when I check my emotion sub-system logs, all the messages reference calls from the Imagination, Responsibility, and Paragon sub-systems, who all love introducing latency by never letting me forget /all/ of the duties and rules, and the consequences, risks, and heavy obligations that guns mean.

@Motodrachen Gravity is a good word for it. I've never felt the pure excitement I hear other gun owners talk about. Not without shades of anxiety that are impossible to ignore. I think the best I can hope for is acceptance of their reality, safe competence in their use, and the fortune to come home again should I ever have to use one against another person.

I don't know if I'd like myself that much if Guns ever became pure fun.

I've told myself I'll never carry just to carry. That I'd only walk around with a gun if daily active shooting was something I'd have to walk through to make it back to my bed at home. We're not there yet.

But I also told myself I would never swear, then that I would never say fuck. Funny how the rules you set for yourself can slip away from you.

@Motodrachen So far, the only one that seems to not have any exceptions is "when Mom is within earshot."