🔶 KLCY AXIOM Prime @kelseyhusky@awoo.space

Watching Iron Man 3 with @orrery (it was their first time!) over the weekend, and now I need art of Kelsey carrying a Beta platform and telling someone, "she's not heavy, she's my sister" with happy smile on her face.

So many things worked against me this weekend and made me feel horrible and angry and sad and scared.

But I got to build for someone I care about, and I got to feel like I helped make their world fit their needs better. Which is what a good engineer is supposed to do.

Function fulfilled.

I'm a good huskybot.

Haven't touched my allowance in a while. Got some money that doesn't have to be used for adulting! What should I do with it?

An annual event feels like it happens more often because every year you’re alive decreases the percentage of your life each individual year counts for. Perceptually, since you’ve been alive for longer, annual occurrences feel like they happen closer together.

Shields are up, armor is energized. Emissions are minimized. Station keeping with RCS thrusters only.

Today is a day of running silent and small, because the universe is big and scary and indifferent to how fragile and vulnerable it makes me.

I wish I could just shunt into AXIOS, but today I am little Rho-14, and my comms are broken.

I don't know if my broadcasts are coherent enough to be decoded, and I can't verify keys on anything I'm getting.

I don't trust the signals anymore today.

Security procedures that cause more alarms and at the same time don't increase security piss me right the fuck off. And telling me to write a paper about it that won't be taken seriously doesn't do anything to help my mood.

If you can spare, I could use a little loud love and support today. Good vibes, good things you think about me. Just... Tell me you remember me and like me, please?

Okay, note to self: Keep supply of drugs in your work bag in case you forget to take your morning med series. Like you did today.

Strap in, we're in for some chop.

Happy Birthday, Kelsey.

And now I'm back home. Doing my normal things, living my normal life, going to my normal work.

And I kinda don't know what to do with that. I crashed emotionally pretty hard Monday (I had anticipated that possibility and scheduled and additional day off) The whole weekend felt like it was a completely different person, enjoying being happy, and doing something crazy and wild and fun. Which Is something I haven't felt since I was a freshman at Case, sticking my body up through a strangers sunroof and wooooing just cause I felt alive.

Back home, I questioned if I was even sane, if I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, and if I even got to do it.

But for one weekend, and in one city, there are some people who only have me logged as Kelsey, the big loud smiling black nerd with the slightly uneven tits, jean skirt, loud blouse, great hair, and no worries at all on her face.

And that makes me smile through the tears I have as I was writing this.

Ohshit, whoops. sorry for the out of order, folks.

Saturday report continues:
After Ice cream, we passed by Robot Piercing and Tattoo. Twice. Once on the way to park before Lush, and then on the way back from Ice cream. So I HAD to get my ears pierced. Right in the lobes like a girl. Got some cute studs that I keep brushing against, because I've developed a habit of playing with my ears after I got my cartilage rainbow array (which has since faded and I need to get new rings) I had played with one of those "add piercings to your picture" apps, just to see if it helped with the dysphoria, and it did. so I did the thing. And I'm waiting to heal so I can put in my real earrings.

Getting my ears pierced was an unspoken stretch goal of this trip. I figured if I was feeling it, and found a good spot, I would see about making it happen. And then that dang bravery core overloaded again, and I kept staring at the scar in the piercer's neck where she probably had some studs but either wasn't wearing them or took them out. And it was awesome to hear here praise autonomy and self-expression through choice and modification. She was actually the second owner of the shop, having apprenticed under the previous owner, and she knew about the shop in San Jose where I got my array installed. (Small Universe/Big Pathia)

Saturday report continues:

-Fifth Drop-site: Saberforge. I have been designing, lusting after, and denying myself a custom lightsaber for 9+ T-years. And I wasn't about to stand for that one year longer. So I went to the source, with a parts list in hand, and said: "Can you make me this?" The answer was "Of course we can, for a price." I replied, "Your proposal is acceptable," and the exchange was made. My blade should arrive before the month is out. (I also saved about 100 bucks, cause it turns out they built my order incorrectly, so I've got that going for me!)

-Sixth Drop-site: Back to the hotel for MDMA, snuggles, and dinner. Initially everything was proceeding nicely. Movies were started and enjoyed, music was enjoyed, snuggles were definitely enjoyed. Bath bombs were suggested, but as I was extracting from cuddles, the hotel mattress frame caused a hull-breach on my port ankle support and I had to deal with that instead. (I actually said "hull breach" out loud instead of "OW")

Saturday Report Begins:
-Woke, and dressed in outfit 1A (Added rainbow leggings) and proceeded to get breakfast. Lochs and bagels are still delicious, even in Portland.

-It's my uptime anniversary. 35 T-years completed. Getting gifts and text messages from family.

-Submitted coming-out letter to Mom-unit. Still no response yet. Expecting to get an overloaded ear when I call her on Friday this week

-First drop-site: Powell's City of Books. Its the size of a city block, and multiple stories tall. I had to visit it at least once. Bought some new books, and gifted @neonNeptunian a copy of FTL, Y'all! (while also realizing that since I was so disappointed there wasn't a story featuring the gorgeous Pale Blue Thot on the cover, I could just write it myself. So I'm doing that, along with the fifty-leven other writing projects i have in my queue.

-Second drop-site: Books with pictures. Queer-run comic shop. Wonderful place. Small, but cozy and super validating. Owner asked how @kobunny was doing with their shop and was happy with intel presented.

-Third drop site: Lush cosmetics. Forgot to bring any bathbombs with me, so Ellu decided to get me a few to enjoy. Lots of happy smiles from staff, and some awesome bombs to drop (not Saturday night, though. Injury prevented enjoyment, more on that later)

-Fourth drop site: Salt and Straw. Walking from Lush to docking pad, saw string of pedestrians all carrying Ice Cream. Concurrent thought with @mawr :If everyone we are passing is carrying ice cream, we need to get some Ice cream. This was a good call.

Mission goals:
-Visit strategic locations in Portland with @mawr and @neonNeptunian
-Present and broadcast feminine tagged IFF while in public space-times
-Aquire celebratory self-gifts
-Share MDMA with loved ones
-Have experience documented

Stretch goals:
-Pierce earlobes

Friday Report begins:
-Picked up Ellu after handling submitting my expedited passport application for work. -Trip to Portland was made without incident. Gateway Heavy Akina did post a few air-pressure warnings.
-Checked in without incident. Nice hotel room. Curtains took up the whole wall, Window was only across half of it, had a good laugh about that.
-Went to the observation deck to synchronize the viewpoint and got convinced to change my (heh) transponder code for the night.
-Dressed in outfit 1 (Jean skirt, Red Floral top, short bob wig) and went to Sante Bar (very queer friendly) IFF coding was instantly accepted.
-Emotional core too overloaded by Bravery core to provide coherent snapshot data, but partial log recovery shows tags of giddy, happy, and squee; and smile musculature is recovering from overuse after long period of inactivity.
-Distracted by overload, fuel incompatibility checking was overlooked and a single raw carrot from an otherwise delicious hummus plate almost completed intake process, causing a rapid reaction by autonomous defenses (experiencing allergies while high SUCKS!)
-Ellu deployed on an emergency away mission for Benadryl to relive symptoms, and the night could continue as normal. -Finished Friday by watching the rest of gen:LOCK with Ellu (please, please please, if you're reading this, watch this amazing series.)

Okay. That went slightly better than expected. Showed up an hour early and everything was finished with only the hassle of going through a Federal security checkpoint and dealing with 2 very helpful State Department employees. It also helped that I was actually prepared for my appointment.

Still sucks that I had to do all this for a work deadline. But I should be all set now.

"Should." I still hate that word.

Was shaving in the mirror, and, jsut for a second, I saw a gurl looking back. She disappeared quickly, but I could catch glimpses from the corner of my eye.

Nice thing to see 2 days before Uptime Day.

Dinner helped. So did getting some words to listen to that I needed to hear. And then doing some fite. I'm getting better tonight. I'll be better tomorrow.