Kinstuff, Dysphoria (neg)
I had a wonderful night last night being sappy with cuties, and went bed and had lovely dreams I barely remember right now.
But then I woke up with this sharp, jarring look at myself and everything as perception came shifting back.
I had that moment of looking at my hands and naked body after just having seen and experienced my true self in dream.
Kinstuff, Dysphoria (neg)
So I had moments that almost mirrored a certain page in a comic I read, looking at my body and hands and just thinking;
"This shit again" with the increasing existential feeling of "I'm going to be stuck in this body at least until I die oh gods oh gods"
unfortunate conversation in UnNamed Social Place hasn't helped my feelings and I've been trying to forget it and just can't...
Kinstuff, Dysphoria (neg)
I don't know why these feelings are so strong to me compared to others. I suspect that there are others who feel this as strongly but...probably... aren't here anymore. I got really lucky and my brain was really good at knowing what I couldn't handle and when in my life I can handle it again.
For the most part, I'm doing good and these feelings will pass. Nothing lasts.
Kinstuff, Dysphoria, DID (neg)
@Oneironott
We suspect for us this was a lot of the underlying drive behind our dissociation when we were growing up. We don't know if there was ever any one thing we ever were, just a lack of being this physical thing. That has gathered material which resonates deeply enough with us to be sufficiently "us" in practice.
Being transgender has been one thing, but it's barely a thing compared to many of the rest. It's just been a treatable option in comparison.
Kinstuff, Dysphoria, DID (neg)
@moonlit *nods knowingly and offers hugs*
We suspect something similar of us too, to some degree. We have trauma behind it too, but there was many nights if practically wail at the skies and there's no doubt our brain sought to distance and numb…