Pastelbat @pastelbat@awoo.space

tiny dinosaur (european jay)

Watching the NXT Wrestlemania go home show, brain went "Pretty Deadly are femboy Ant & Dec" and now I can't unthink it

After watching Guyver 1 and Mortal Kombat 2 and reading that both were critically panned, I come away convinced that the 90s kept just accidentally creating absolute masterworks of camp cinema and then going

"Ugh! Camp!? I thought this would be edgy, somehow!"

I love TJPW's penchant for high-melodrama show titles. AEW and WWE should have events called things like "What I Am Missing Is Something You Do Not Have, A Prince That Rode In On A White Horse"

Embrace the Utena energy, cowards

look, The Fugitive is a romance movie and nobody can convince me otherwise

I need a version of that "hate the monarchy, love when the rightful king reclaims his magic sword" tweet

but for hating cops and loving Javert stories

Conversely, this has verymuch influenced the generation of wrestlers who made their name during lockdown shows (ex: The Acclaimed), where aside from a videocamera and their colleagues, there was no audience to rely on for feedback.

Seeing them first adapt to a full house audience, it's a completely different environment.

It's tough to describe how much crowd feedback is a core part of wrestling, especially in the US.

Like, you watch a US wrestler go to Japan for the first time, and do something that's usually usually guaranteed to get the crowd on their feet, and instead they're met with

[polite applause]

. . .

And the wrestler flounders because the crowd is verymuch a character in their own right in this performance, and, from a US perspective, suddenly this character is giving them nothing to work with.

[CW Blood] Emi Sakura (joshi wrestling veteran) vs Billie Starkz (outrageously talented young wrestler) is an amazing match.

I'd describe the AEW Dark crowd as "happy but chill" for the most part, and this is one of those rare matches that really gets them to sit up and get invested:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKhQSWgMTIc&t=3010s

Hunter X Hunter, perfectly encapsulating the twin poles of my aesthetic

Yuka Sakazaki is imho one of the best wrestlers in the world, and for the last few weeks she's been in the US and doing a bunch of matches on AEW's Youtube shows (Dark & Dark: Elevation).

There's a nice person in the comments who always lists timestamps for the matches, so.. Have some very good, very free women's wrestling.

Dark: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLILTWWX_AIJQWi63ehKrNGZjXm4cnhtJu
DE: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLILTWWX_AIJRo4ytGYfhO2Wd2gEMimcxd

Never has this image been more appropriate

two of The Wingmen (my beloved trashboy heel faction in AEW) have changed their look completely

I feel like a cat when someone's moved around the furniture in a familiar room

- Everyone is very uncertain about the candy cake-bite sweet things.
- From the reactions, either the referee's culinary skills raised everyone's expectations unfairly, or there is something very wrong with the recipe.
- Or maybe some have chilli in?
- This may still be a dream sequence, tbh
- Miu Watanabe and Rika Mizuname seem to have conclusively lost at candy

- There is a kettle in a wrestling match. This is a first for me.
- I hope nobody gets hit with a kettle?
- Oh phew, someone fetched a baseball bat instead
- Blindfolded soup-eating
- Reversal! Blindfolded referee soup-feeding!

I have no idea what is happening, I just came to see the match where Pom beat Yuka

2020 was a strange year for many reasons

- ..I think this actually might be one of TJPW's Cooking Contest Matches
- ..Which, to be fair, would explain the unusual match result that made me curious to watch it in the first place
- The judges are uncertain about Yuka's candy. Balloon-menacing can only go so far with this, it seems

- Okay class, raise your hand if you remembered your homework.
- Some people in the audience uncertainly raise their hands?
- Don't worry! Yuka is a substitute teacher! (probably) She doesn't care! (probably)
- Relieved applause

- Yuka chases Pom into the corner with her balloon
- 3 other TJPW wrestlers sit on stools in the ring, and are offered candy(?).
- I start to wonder if there will actually be wrestling today

- The camera operator is getting increasingly distracted: (idol of the promotion) Miu Watanabe is having a conversation with someone in the front row. Meanwhile, that man is wearing his mask on his chin! Oh, he's having a drink? Back to the match I guess
- Yuka is menacing everyone else in the ring with her balloon.
- Pom is giving the announcer a hug
- There's a lot of talking, but it's in Japanese

The story so far:

- (childish comedy enhancement talent/up-and-comer) Pom Harajuku is dressed like she's forgotten her PE kit
- (high-flying star of the promotion) Yuka Sakazaki is dressed like a frumpy substitute teacher
- ..who got baked before teaching class? And is now fascinated by a balloon full of confetti instead.
- The referee has wandered off to give out candy(?) to the audience
- A man in green is playing sheepdog to the referee, gently prodding him so he doesn't give all his candy(?) to just one person
- The ring announcer has come to work in her pyjamas today
- ..suggesting this may all be an elaborate dream sequence? As plausible as any other idea I've had so far