assistant fox keeper @somekindofcrow@awoo.space

@Shadow8t4 ahh so cute~

@KitRedgrave@glitch.social They can't excommunicate me if I don't communicate with them to begin with!

Like if they were dudes I'd be angry and use the Forbidden Southern Curse ("honey I'll pray for you") but they're not and so I'm just filled with pity.

Just told a couple very shy and probably nice LDS ladies who knocked at my door that their church doesn't believe I should exist and hope that they would leave that abusive organization soon.

Given their horrified reactions I think they interpreted it as I'm like super excommunicated as opposed to super queer.

@egypturnash I was going to ask where to buy purpose but then I remembered the giant Mary Jane billboard a mile from my house.

@memnus@octodon.social yesyesyesyesyesyes

@literorrery That is a good word I like that word.

Autocorrect wanted to change catgirl to Catholic.

@literorrery omg they actually sell things my size :3 :3 :3

*clicks on an ad for cute plus sized coats*

"Hello we sell coats up to 5XL except everything above 3XL looks like crap!"

*filters to only 3XL coats maybe they'll fit*

"When we say 3XL we mean size 14 because size 14 is totally plus sized!"

*closes window, sets everything on fire, salts the earth, retreats into ether shedding corporeal form, still can't fit in a size 14 dress*

@vahnj it does I am hyped!

I just backed a game KS for the first time in a very long time.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cosebelle/selling-sunlight-a-wandering-merchant-rpg

It's so charming and happy it overcame my jaded burned by too many KS shell.

"Selling Sunlight is a role-playing game with no fights, many bees and too many words"

"We want to make an experience that is like chamomile for the soul"

"Smooching can get complicated when you are a mysterious figure of indefinite gender with a magical mask glued to your visage, but this shouldn't stop you from trying."

@Shadow8t4 <3 don't worry about it <3

@Shadow8t4 I have the opposite problem. I get nothing. Which is why I kind of never do online dating anymore like ever.

I think if I ever regain enough energy to make another OKCupid profile it's just going to say "I regularly accidentally made too much food please help".

Story Time (3/3)

So okay you're like why the hell are you telling this story?

The point is, thanks to this experience, I have a slightly heightened sensitivity to fire and electric codes. Which is annoying because the easiest thing to do to light up my house would be to daisy chain surge protectors but there's a voice going no don't do that everything will catch on fire and you'll die. But I'm like sweetie it's a 60 watt bulb.

Also I am tired after trying to install a wemo outlet for an hour.

Story Time (2/3)

It's not bribery if it's official, right?

Because it was cold and the building was stupid drafty the guys in charge didn't come out. Instead, they sent the youngest guy out to sit in a theater doing nothing all night.

Which would have been super boring for him except it turns out he was super into ponies and had nobody to talk to b/c his chief would send him straight to hell if he learned that best pony was Applejack.

And it's totally true except best pony is clearly Rarity.

Story Time (1/3)

Once upon a time I had a job where I had to stop the fire marshal from shutting down an old theater. My predecessor was terrible. I'm not an electrician, but I knew enough to know that putting 4x575W bulbs on a 20 amp circuit is a bad idea.

There was no way I'd get everything up to code, so in the end the solution was we'd pay the FD $$$/hr during performances so they can have a firefighter on standby in case the building lit up (quite possible even after all the work I did).

@Sparrow wait you mean we don't exist solely to provide old dudes with free emotional labor?

@Sparrow :( :( :( :(