Wobbly One Of Myriads @wobblewuffess@awoo.space

@Nephila It is hard to argue with a 55 tonner with a UAC20 and 3 CERMPLs... that moves at 7/11 hexes..

As long as it is not deployed on a hot location.. if I ever salvage a clan gauss rifle or CLBX20 I might swap that UAC20 out for some more cooling.. but less punch.

Postive side... half to redo the mission and no more lost arm!

Down side.. cockpit killing a mech with a UAC20 and leaving the rest intacted on a standard shot is super rare!

playing Roguetech because it is light on my hands... which are extra oww after getting zapped today..

Poor my poor Stormcrow got it's laser arm shot off..
Taking three Clan ER Medium Pulse Lasers with it.. which are worth like a month of my company budget each..

Well fuck!

Buuut it did cockpit kill a Catapult II with CUAC20 in the other arm.. and I still haven't salvaged a heavy mech yet.. so right there is a shiny CAT-II..

POWER GOES OUT!

@kistaro According to stack.share they are running everything off AWS but yeah, they seem to be a heavy docker, DevOps shop to try and reduce overhead.. probably by not having a dedicated Ops team..

Which is not super uncommon in startups but is never a good way to have a reliable service..

Good news! Nerve conductivity in my hands is great...

Bad news... that means something is else is wrong with them that has been presenting the same symptoms as carpal tunnel for years and is getting worse..

@kelseyhusky @mawr

I 100% know this feeling...

It sucks. My mom and her husband are the only people in my family that are aware... and most of her 7 brothers and sisters and their kids are hyper religious catholics or methodists :(

@kistaro yeah... it was kinda overly warm down here too.

I've been on half dozen drugs for ADHD... most of them worked but had really nasty side effects for me.

So when I turned 18 I stopped taking anything for it and went unmedicated. This was not good for my higher education. Even 13 years later, I can clearly remember the inability to control the ebb and flow of my focus and creativity and it sucked.

Like not just in work and school but in my social life and things done for pleasure. Sometimes I could lose myself in a game or book for hours... other days I was listless and unfocused, unable to muster the attention to do anything.

I've been on provigil now since early 2013.. it works for really well for me.

On it, I feel... Sharp all the time.. like if something needs to be done or I want something done I easily muster the mental attention to see it through. Something I've never been able to do on demand off medication.

Maybe we'll have a good understanding of the human mind to prevent children from going through what I went through with Ritalin, Adderal, Straterra and Concerta... before an adult finding out that Provigil worked for me... because I got diagnosed with Shift-Work Sleep Disorder while working night shift.

A conversation that involved my use of provigil for ADHD had me thinking about some weird stuff with my childhood brain.

I did not learn to read until I was put on Ritalin in second grade.

But I was a straight A student that did amazing at anything but spelling tests.

Eventually one of my teachers realized that I could read but I didn't understand letters.

Written English was a pictographic language to me in until Ritalin came along. I linked whole words with meaning but each word was basically its own rune, I couldn't deconstruct it into component letters in my mind..

My second grade teacher figured this out because we had a project to write our on dictionary and use it for writing tasks.... mine was enormous... and included a mix of written definitions and stick figure sketches of concepts.

Which... as an adult I'm pretty impressed by. Kid me was faking "reading" my memorizing thousands of words as single glyphs of meaning.

It wasn't until my ADHD started getting treatment that I could really break things down into letters and really grasp the alphabet.

@angrboda Ugh... I have been there.. it sucks. Like a lot.. I'm still not sure how I got over it. In one case I got let go and I guess that helped eventually.

I'm probably writing all this because... I feel guilty for my frustration and anger toward him when he was younger. My college fund went towards paying for his first attempt at recovery... along with putting my mom hugely in debt.

During my recovery from shoulder surgery my senior year of high school I spent several nights in agony because he stole my pain meds.

I had a lot of selfish resentment for him when I should have been more understanding and supportive.

I don't know if it would have made a difference. Probably not..

I've tried to distance myself and isolate myself from my family... because outside of my mom and her husband... they don't understand me, or my own struggle with TG stuff or anything.

My brother doesn't even know..

I'm starting to ramble.. I don't know what to say other than I hate the way the our society has focused on punishment over rehabilitation and treatment... and I wish the world was different.. but I don't know how to change it.

Don't get me wrong, my younger brother is a drug addict, he has serious mental health issues and PTSD as the result of a years of physical abuse from my former stepdad and sexual abuse by a neighbor as a toddler...

During his teens he was definitely.. edging into scumbag territory and has stolen and pawned stuff from friends and family..

But after 2 years in prison for a drug charge he had started to get his life together, focused on taking care of his two kids and got married, had a stable job until Druggy CI buddy showed up a month ago.

He clearly needs serious mental health treatment... last time he saw someone.. we never got the full details but he also was abused in prison.. apparently.

So... he is a mess, he needs help.. but class warfare justice dictates drug use is a crime and not a mental health issue.. so he went to prison for heroine he didn't have on him at the time of his arrest (utah allows people to be charged with prior possession based on blood tests).

This fucked his life harder, it is extremely difficult to find a job with felony drug possession in Utah.

Knowing the court system out there... he will go likely do hard time for this... because of previous convictions.

I'm just... sad and angry.

I never knew how to help my brother... or my father with their struggles with addiction and PTSD.

I still don't. I just... I hate that the world is the way it is and that it broke someone with so much potential. I remember this creative, curious, intelligent person before the addiction...

I wish he could be that. I wish he could learn to deal with the horrible shit life dealt us as kids with out drugs... I know he will never stop being an addict... I hate the way our world treats people like him.

The last time I saw him in person, he was this focused, caring person that was getting up at 4am every day to work construction to make sure his kids had a place to live and a better childhood than him. That was 7 months ago.

So my little brother, the addict is looking at 5 years to life for aggravated robbery...

That as far as we can tell... and his well paid DA has determined so far.. is based on the testimony of his old druggy buddy turned CI who recently showed up in his life and basically destroyed it and the fact that a truck that look like his was seen on a traffic came nearby. (Not exactly an uncommon vehicle, 2011 Black Dodge Ram 2500 diesel 4x4 4 door, especially in that part of Utah)

Of course CI druggy "friend" is not in jail while my brother has spent a week in jail with no bail posted, and no charges until today (day 7).

During which he started having seizures from methadone withdraw because the county jail refuses to give methadone to him or any other meds for that matter.

Oh and they are charging him $45/day for the jail stay.

Druggy buddy is the person responsible for getting him kidnapped and beaten by a local gang because buddy got him using again... and took him somewhere to score... said gang knew buddy was a CI and beat, tortured and kidnapped my little brother, took his truck and stripped... forced him to sell drugs at gun point (later witnessed by my mom when she showed up at the location his phone was pinging when she turned on the tracker).

The robbery in question took place while his wife swears he was at home and his phone shows the same...

He is also being charged with a parole volition (drug stuff from a few years ago) because his phone was stolen when he was kidnapped... and his PO ignored the voicemail from him because it was from my mom's phone number... thus the PO is insisting that he missed a check in..

Now I'm extra sleepy because I missed sleep for this.. like a whole hour and half..

Ugh... I was supposed to get my hand zap measured today... (nerve conductivity) and the clinic lost power :(

@mawr Hi Teri!

Bleh... spent the last 3 hours and some change sick in the bathroom... and now I'm craving veggies and carbs... but at the same time... thought of eating makes me feel sick... and I'm hungry.

I would like to request a better frame, maybe one with durable internals..

@mawr That sounds about right