mood (-)
Haven't had much to say lately. Been scared, stressed, and mourning my old social life.
Worried about the cats almost every day, even when they're apparently healthy and happy, because I can't stop anticipating what MIGHT and probably will happen to them someday.
Doing pretty much the same thing with Peg, too.
mood (-)
@zebratron2084 wow, that is a stress reaction, “so much has gone wrong, what’s the next loss I’ll just have to somehow survive.” And it’s hugely fortune telling rather than reality, but it still sucks to be there. I’m truly sorry.
re: mood (-)
@Leucrotta And the weirdest thing is the SURVIVOR'S GUILT. The snipers keep missing us and hitting people we care about, and there's no real REASON for it. Our fundamentals are pretty good. We're a lot less precarious than a lot of people right now. But I keep reacting badly to all these reminders that we live in a society with virtually NO safety net...
...and that I had a community in Seattle that might back me up if the shit hit the fan-- or at least felt like I did, and deluded myself I had done things important enough to deserve it.
Now it's really just me and Peg, with a little help now and then from my parents-- who are both over 70 now, are comfortable but not rich, and just add to the sense of precarity with their own health problems. We know a couple of people down here, but nothing like I had... thought I had... in Seattle.
Everything STILL roots right back in Transliminal and I'm coming to think that, even as much as I've recuperated, it always will. I came SO CLOSE to achieving my Plan A for surviving this hellworld, and it all just slipped away the moment the veil of illusion was jostled.
re: mood (-)
@Leucrotta (And yet, i still feel like I have ZERO right to complain, because in actuality... yeah, everything is ok at the moment. Even the cats seem relatively happy. Main worry there is a night of 32 degree weather coming up, and I think they've got pretty good shelter in the abandoned basement next door...)
re: mood (-)
@Leucrotta I guess a lot of it is really just... missing people and missing the sense that I was part of anything that meant a damn. Though it is nice seeing Peg kinda shoulder that burden, playing Dragon Witch Mom Lady for a while while I"m the relatively quiet obscure one. Scary but kinda restful. :)