Getting that "nose pressed against the window" feeling again, watching friends diving nose-first into the very things that dried up in my life over the last year or two.

No blame, and the last thing I want is to interfere with any of it-- well, the last thing besides pity-inclusion.

I've been dealing with it by wallowing deeper in mundane things like work-- and less mundane ones like Parallax-- and, you know, that will work just fine for now.

I'm okay-not-okay?

This is all emphatically not "please rearrange anything/everything in your life to accommodate me." There is no actionable solution to this right now except for me just putting my head down and improving my own situation.

I just need to make sure the subject is open and understood, and maybe warn people I'm likely to go through another hermitage period, which ain't necessarily bad for me, or everyone else.

Listen, regardless of the face on the icon, I'm ~70% cat. Whether I need to be inside or outside the house at a given moment is a very fraught issue for my people.

And after years of struggling to be in, someone's finally had the decency and decisiveness to just unambiguously put me out for the night.

But it's still hard to decide if I should immediately resume scratching the door, or just mrowl pridefully & explore the neighborhood a bit, maybe devour some small prey.

But I was SO GOOD. I knocked nothing off of anybody's mantelpiece on my way out. I scratched not a single ankle (at least, not after the day my tail got stepped on), and I left not a single "surprise" in anyone's shoe.

I should be good to myself a little, but you know, I don't think I would even know how at this point.

For now, to my surprise, delight, and fear, work is good enough for me. But if you see me out in the alley, maybe leave me a little food? Dry is fine.

I mean, I'm not going to pretend I don't have a cushy new position as a dragon familiar, or that I don't come home from that alley and BATHE in mana and other cat treats every night. But dragons do a lot of their magic in private-- it's just their way, I understand-- and even their familiars are left napping on top of the spare altar.

What the hell kind of cat am I? I've even forgotten how to hunt by myself. Maybe it's time to Tiger back up for a little while & fix that.

@zebratron2084 welp I can't promise you a deep insightful conversation about Things and Stuff (in part because I am also kind of flailing for similar Things and Stuff, so I'm maybe in the same place and hardly one to provide any useful assistance or advice) but I'd love to hang out and chatter sometime! name a coffee place near you and a day and approximate timeframe that works for you, and I'd be happy to buy you a round (or six). ;)