Sub-tooting Discourse
Positive or joking sub-toots aside... what even is the right thing to do in response to a negative sub-toot directed at you?
They hurt to see- especially coming from friends, and if they get popular they turn into something incredibly cruel in a way unique to these sorts of platforms.
I get that everyones' timelines are their own, but it's incredibly disheartening to see those ultra-toxic elements of Twitter culture repeated here. Didn't we come here to escape that?
Sub-tooting Discourse
@mawr There is no “right” way to approach sub-tooting in my experience. I’ve found some ways that work situationally:
- Direct but cautious confrontation
- DMs to the person in question asking for clarification
- Muting or Unfollowing a person
Ultimately a sub-toot is a call to sit in the fire with someone. They’re upset and they want someone to share in said upset with them but don’t know or feel comfortable sharing their anger publicly.
Sub-tooting Discourse
@KoBunny @mawr I think you've hit on something important here that deserves further unfolding. Often that fire takes the form of fireballs flung at whomever chooses to show up, and I've been the target of undeserved anger enough for one lifetime. I'm quite happy to help people process their emotions, but not when I'm being made the _target_ of them, as distinct from the _receptacle_. I'll accept almost any expression of personal pain, but none of lashing out in kind.
Sub-tooting Discourse
@literorrery @mawr @KoBunny Hey. As someone who's been on the flinging end of those fireballs in the past... I'm sorry, sis. *hug*
And FWIW, I SWEAR on the Jackalope Mom that I was being sincere last night when I was saying my own gripes were mostly generated elsenet. It was a Bad Day on Reddit. The closest i came to subtooting you was the bit where I talked about posting the Mal Reynolds finger-rise GIF... and I PROMISE that was documentation, not a call for attention.
Sub-tooting Discourse
@KoBunny @mawr @literorrery Full disclosure, that *was* about writing and redacting a bunch of fretting at how you and Trouffee were interacting the other night. But I knew I shouldn't get involved, and just needed to talk about the frustration somewhere, 'cause no live confidants were available.
And the sexuality conversation *did* make me nervous, but I promise I wasn't fishing for responses or sympathy. I'm genuinely sorry if I was frustrating cryptic though. *hug*
Sub-tooting Discourse
@literorrery @mawr @KoBunny That's my issue and nobody else's responsibility, and I assure you, if I say something like "I'm not subtooting here" or "nobody's expected to deal with this but me," I really DO mean it. I need to spin sometimes, sometimes out loud, and I don't have another good spinning space. I genuinely DON'T mind looking for one if it makes anybody nervous. *hug*
Not assuming you _did_ mean me, but I'd worried in general & wanted to preemptively apologize ❤️
Sub-tooting Discourse
@KoBunny @mawr @literorrery Also, I've given the "Brad Goodman" (that self-help guy from Simpsons) joke a good think, and... I've conceded that the way we do things here is a damn sight better than how they do it out there, and I should really shut my stupid Martian muzzle, let y'all do what you need to, and manage my _own_ confidence that my feelings will be heard. *hug*
Sub-tooting Discourse
@literorrery @mawr @KoBunny (mostly just stoned and wanted to get all that off my chest, i personally am quite well except for having already been a bit worried i might have upset you last night with all my frantic auxesis <3 )
Sub-tooting Discourse
@zebratron2084 @literorrery @KoBunny Oh, hon-- you're fine!! *hugs on*
I'm not upset with anyone for anything they said; I understand it's a blowoff valve kinda thing for a lot of folks. I was trying to figure out what to do with them, y'know?
I think I get it now. A lot of it is that I'm just a lot more emotionally fragile than I thought I was. ^^;
Sub-tooting Discourse
@mawr @literorrery @KoBunny I was just making sure -- honestly was mostly worried about Buni, but was also a tad worried I'd someone made you think I'd targeted you, because I wondered if that Brad Goodman toot wasn't over the line... (It's an honest feel, but one I take skeptically, that's come from many different sources.)
Sub-tooting Discourse
@KoBunny @literorrery @mawr (Er, non-you-fuzzy-creatures sources, to clarify n.n; )