Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

Got hit with a $550 state tax bill I'd expected to be around $50, the same day I found out my ENT appointments are gonna be $300 each.

Meanwhile the Demon Ear seems to be improving, but it's still just itchy and throbby enough to leave me worried it's gonna come back for Round Five or more. I am so tired of this.

On top of that, our dealer is out of town with no information about when he'll be back. (Probably not gone-gone, he's an avid camper.)

And it's my 46th birthday in four days. (I don't care, honestly. Please don't make anything of it. Unless you're gonna buy me fish or something. 😺​)

I'm taking the money stuff rather well. I had been saving frantically for the Next Crisis; I was just hoping to get to buy at least SOMETHING nice before it happened.

Still, I am in good with my boss and my job seems to be stable so I think it'll be fine.

I'm just really getting tired of treading water and feeling completely and utterly mundane and earthbound. It's not _everything_ I'd feared getting old would entail, but it's getting close enough to worry me.

Assuming our Guy hasn't disappeared to Belize or something, when he does finally show up, I am going to get SO COMPLETELY ASKEW FROM REALITY for a couple days. I am looking forward to it so much.

I really need a mood-booster, but you know what? Mysteriously there don't seem to be ANY pulse-pounding rock anthems about getting over an ear infection.

I am formally obliged by outstanding diplomatic arrangements with Terran governments to issue the following warning:

I have reached the point where more than 50% of my personal and sociopolitical problems are solvable with fire.

I do not currently have means to produce fire in sufficient amounts to solve any of these problems except for "I have a raw fish and I want a cooked fish."

When I do acquire such means, there will be an appropriate follow-up announcement, as per the Treaty of Ow Ow Ow My That's My Shoulder You Stupid Fucking Space Cat You Said We Were At Peace (AD 3004).

(This announcement will include the customary ceremonial immolation of a few Terran captives. We've got some lovely ones singled out for abduction.)

Oh, right:

*disputed

Damn these legal technicalities. I should really just figure out who's still disputing this and have them eaten by space panthers.

So the Kiwi Farms trolls have driven yet another person to suicide. I didn't know the victim, but I know this isn't the first.

And I don't dare say it openly on Twitter, but I am about ready for some serious dirty tricks to happen against these people. I would donate.

Lives need to be ruined for this, publicly and permanently and unrepentantly. I want oceans of troll tears.

Today I learned the Brazilians will put beef stroganoff on a pizza.

I redid the math three times and damned if I can prove them wrong. 🤷​

FUN FACT: Gender is a fully objective description of genitals and X/Y genetics, totally irrespective of cultural norms. This is why every bottle of Old Spice has a tiny penis and testicles hidden in the bottom of the container and every daiquiri must contain >2.5% ova by volume.

That moment when you're a month and a half into a case of chronic swimmer's ear (even though you don't swim) and you look at that bottle of toilet bowl cleanser and think, "Hmm, it's got peroxide AND bleach AND that comfy looking little nozzle..."

I'm so fucking tired of this.

oh look i have a new nickname for the proud boys

Oof. We're up to six em dashes.

*doffs her fishing hat and looks solemnly at the ground*

There's no hope for the poor bastard. Because I tend to use them for sentences like "Your research on this task is really good—but your conclusions raise some issues."

"Don't make me an optimist, you'll ruin my life." -- "Fleabag" (Phoebe Waller-Bridge), Fleabag S02E04

You can always tell an employee review is going to be a disaster when I have to start breaking out the em dashes—I have absolutely no idea why this is, I have absolutely no explanation for it, it just is.

Hey, probably-Aspergillus spores in my ear?

You're the worst symbiotes ever. No powers, no whispering voices, no hallucinations of alien lives, no instructions, no nothing.

Just get the fuck out. You've got 12 days and then I start pondering off-manual uses of the culinary blowtorch.

Doing a binge of Harold Pinter plays on Youtube was a really good idea. I really liked The Dumb Waiter, even just as low-analysis workday entertainment. I see the roots of so much of the "er, comedy" I like...

Wow. SNL did a sketch about an autistic girl at a clinic in 1979.

It... it has not aged well. Not well at all. Don't tell me there's no such thing as progress.

So this is "bad" and it's potentially "long and frustrating battle" bad, but it's also "known issue bad," "probably fairly cheap to treat bad," and "not the massive cholesteatoma and pricey surgery I was braced for" bad.

It's fungal swimmer's ear. I'm a little freaked out since it's been detected in both ears and I HAVEN'T BEEN SWIMMING but I have spotted little dots of mildew in our air conditioning. D:

Still. The ENT seemed pretty competent, and I've got a follow-up in a couple of weeks. Tomorrow morning I go to the pharmacy, get my prescription (which is essentially a vinaigrette) and become...

Salad Ears.

Waiting for my shockingly overpriced Lyft to take me to my ENT appointment, for a look at this ear infection that won't clear up.

All I can think about is the worst-case scenarios, what he might miss, what he might catch, and how much it might cost. Plus, how much this might delay me getting to see my elderly parents again.

Wish me luck.

itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀 itch 🙀

fortunately I am seeing Otic Roto Rooter tomorrow at 4. i suspect it will be a chernobyl elephant's foot kind of situation where they just concrete it all in and leave it for the next generation to worry about

it's fine, didn't like that ear anyhow

#ItsNot3Roentgen

i know there is no magic in this universe and even the strongest will can do nothing to turn the tide of an indifferent clockwork universe

i know this because otherwise i would have a cheeseburger and fries