Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

This reeks of urban legend to me, but it's still fascinatingly weird:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero_stroke

At the *very* least, there are four:

#moodsnapshot

One of my bucket list items is to visit Australia. It's a lovely country and has a lot to offer (including the promise of a swift, romantic wildlife-related death), but my main reason is that I want to eat a whole spoon of Marmite in front of them, tuck in for another, and see the look on the lousy bogans' faces. XD

So... damn near *anything* is possible in the DC universe. We're all in agreement with that, right?

Meanwhile, Batman's narcissistic handwringing over his "code of honor" has conveniently let thousands of innocents die, just so his psychopathic playtime buddy can stick around.

I want to see an arc where some super-scientist or uber-psionic gets fucking sick of this and just performs massive, non-con psychic surgery on the Joker to FIX him.

Naturally, the premise is that Bats decides it's the surgeon who has to be hunted down and punished. The B plot is that the Joker is reassimilated into society and EVERYTHING'S WORKING OUT FINE until some busybody crusader decides to restore the status quo for the usual pseudo-humanist "BUT HIS SACRED FREE WILL!" reasons.

(apologies for all caps but all martian opera is in all caps)

YES, I LOVE RAWR!
ANYTHING GROWLY AND GROUCHY AND FIGHTY
ANYTHING SNARLY AND POUNCEY AND BITEY
YES, I LOVE RAWR!

JUST ASK THE GAZELLE THAT I TOOK DOWN THIS MORN
HIS JUGULAR VEIN IS ALL MUNCHED ON AND TORN
JUST CHECK MARTIAN YOUTUBE
WE WATCH IT LIKE PORN
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE FOOD

"Human earns a pound
Tiger gets a shilling
Eat just a little at a time
Terrans are quite filling."

Well, hemp's legal. Guess all of our problems are now over, since it's a miracle plant that's good for absolutely everything. Otherwise, I'd have to believe that a bunch of bearded countercultural types had fallen for their own hyperbole, and I just can't believe in that sort of a world.

I fully expect a cancer cure by next Thursday, an end to world hunger by the end of the year, an end to global warming by February at the latest, and free clothing for everybody for eternity. I see no reason not to assume we'll all be living in $500 compressed-hemp homes by the end of next year.

(Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy about the news. It's just... I was told we had to fix this because The Man Was Suppressing A Miracle Plant That Could Solve All Human Ills--- not, you know, because the prohibition made no fucking sense at all unless you were a shithead newspaper magnate with a lot of money in paper mills.)

Fuck it, I'm going for more, even though it's probably got a higher sodium content than Utah.

If this woman's food kills me before I get back, I want @anthracite to know I love her very much, make sure Kirt and Noa get a happy ending, and know that I died happy. Probably went straight to Dago Heaven, too, where I shall be fed by doting old ladies for eternity. :D

You have no idea how much I wish I could upload a few gallons of my mom's wedding soup to Awoo and let you all share it out.

I'm pretty sure this stuff is only an ingredient or two away from a depression cure, perhaps even an immortality potion.

🖼

@acetone_kitten Huh. Did you know that John Fucking Shirley wrote four episodes of the 2012 TMNT reboot? O__o

HOCH HECH

Don't believe the hype. There is no known preparation of Pinkie Pie's mane that will prevent Westphall Syndrome OR Lynks Disease. The Ponyvax movement is based on thoroughly debunked magical theory.

#StayOutOfTheSnowglobe

(Figure A: https://i.imgur.com/3IJK89z.jpg)

(Figure B: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEFIgSnS26M)

(Figure C: https://i.imgur.com/UKTTmdE.jpg)

*cut to an image of a perfectly androgynous raccoon with slim metal deelyboppers and plasticky #FF0000 fur*

"Hello. My name is Dr. Jennifer James Kirsch, director of the Scott Aukerman Memorial Institute For Pataphysical Medicine."

"Just thirty years ago, Tommy Westphall Syndrome was incurable. Thousands of canons were lost to Westphall. These innocent worlds were doomed to an eternity in the negative white-static fogs of the Subrandom Dimension of Gnerust. Many a sitcom knew what it was to roast in the depths of a metavore, I can tell you."

"But thanks to your generous donations, Westphall Syndome CAN be treated."

*holds up a syringe full a liquid that looks remarkably like the weird bubbly shit from the intro of MTV's Liquid Television*

"This simple substance-- made from equal parts Ubik*, reruns of "No Soap, Radio," and TVNA harvested from the nasal hairs of Danny "Abed" Pudi-- restores existential stasis in 95% of realities treated."

"But we're still working on a cure. We need your help. Write the magic word 'vibescu,' 'nogarelmo,' or 'resilono' on a 3"x5" postcard, lick the ink until it's completely illegible, and send it to:

The Snowglobe Society
c/o Electric Brain of Leonard Nimoy
PO Box y(t)+A(y)(y[x])^2
D'Aubainne International Airport
The Edge, Al Amarja
Earth-21

Thank you for your support, and... let's Keep It Real, everybody.

* Ubik is a registered trademark of Glen and Ella Runciter

#StayOutOfTheSnowglobe

DAYDREAMERS REMEMBER:

1. KEEP YOUR PARACOSMS SEPARATE.

2. USE CROSSOVERS SPARINGLY.

3. CHECK ALL CHARACTERS MONTHLY FOR METAPHYSICAL ANOMALIES.

4. DON'T NUMBER YOUR PARALLELS. ONE EARTH IS PLENTY.

5. IF YOUR HEADCHILDREN WANT TO PLAY WITH RICHARD BELZER, JUST SAY NO!

ONLY YOU(S) CAN PREVENT THE SPREAD OF TOMMY WESTPHALL SYNDROME.

https://thetommywestphall.wordpress.com/about/

#StayOutOfTheSnowglobe

I wonder if there are enough films out there to compose a "transcendent horror" subgenre? Stuff like Beyond the Black Rainbow, Phase IV, Martyrs, and Jissatsu Sākuru-- psych horror where the protagonists are put through absolute hell, but it all turns out to be in the service of their enlightenment. Films with cosmic "horrors" that are terrifyingly alien but not necessarily *evil*-- just totally corrosive to normal humanity.

Honestly, I'm a fucked-up enough individual that if I had to pick a "native genre" to live in for the rest of my life... that might be the one. I've always kinda wanted to be a space monster at heart.