I seriously want to stop right now. Just... not be. I'm hurting too much, I'm crying too much, and I wish I could be just a little less broken, and that day never really comes. >.<

Little more stable at the moment, going to try to nap. Will respond individually later, but thank you all so much for reaching out. >.<

So, the cycle I seem to keep hitting is this:

1. Mess up on meds at some point. (I just forget doses sometimes.)
2. My anxiety crashes get extra bad, because unstable meds.
3. Unable to work / deal with life in general.
4. Feel terrible that useless and never good enough and obsessively worry that my boss isn't /really/ telling me what he thinks (that I'm a terrible employee and am going to end up fired).
5. Crash hard enough from #2-4, esp resulting overwork from #4 that I mess up my sleep schedule and end up missing medication doses.

I at least know the problem, but stabilizing and getting out of this loop long term is brutally difficult.

@CoronaCoreanici They do if you don't end up ignoring them fairly quickly. :/

@CoronaCoreanici I have re-enabled mine now though. Hopefully working from home will make me more apt to listening to them.

@zetasyanthis @CoronaCoreanici
I started using a pill-minder app, and made it a rule that I don't take my meds without having my phone handy and the app open so I know I can trust the records the app keeps

@mawr @zetasyanthis @CoronaCoreanici We use this: https://www.timercap.com/ but that only works for some kinds of medication difficulty

@Felthry @mawr @CoronaCoreanici Interesting... I'd not seen that before.

@zetasyanthis @mawr @CoronaCoreanici All it does is count up from when you close the pill bottle, it works well for us because we more frequently think "wait did we already take it or not" rather than just forget completely, and that timer tells us whether we already took it or not

They last a year or so on a single battery and though they claim the batteries are non-replaceable they're actually quite easy to replace

@Felthry @mawr @CoronaCoreanici I love it when they say that. I own both a soldering iron and a dremel, so it's really a challenge at that point. :P

@zetasyanthis @mawr @CoronaCoreanici You don't actually need either of those, you can just pull out one little removable plastic thingy and get easy access to the battery. All you need is a spudger or screwdriver to finagle the plastic thingy out of there.