Sometimes I'd really like to remove all the goddamn memories I have that are all tied in to him, so that there's not this deep well of pain surrounded by a spiderweb of interlocking thoughts and memories that all lead back into the middle.

I would really like memory without pain.

@Soreth So.

A technique I've been using is Gardiner in the Dark. The title is a Freefall reference.

It's a guided visualization exercise. Picture your painful memories mapped to any visual representation you'd like: I tend towards a 3d brain, red dots for the problematic ones. Not *actual* memories: don't relive them, that reinforces and rewrites them.

Then imagine triggering the Gardiner program... and randomly delete half of those red dots.

@Soreth Every time you practice this, you'll find there are a few fewer dots. (Maybe a few more after particularly tumultuous periods that rustle up old, archived data, but on average.) Really, I'm just picturing a natural process at work - but it feels good to imagine I have some degree of say over activating it and seeing its progress.

It's silly, but some nights when I catch myself looping, it helps me quiet painful memories. Perhaps it can help you. 💜

@Soreth And you'd think, being fond of it, I'd know how to spell Gardener in the Dark by now, but, well. New glitches. That... will happen if you prune your connective memories a little too enthusiastically. I imagine.

I had a friend once who warned me about that, I think.