updates, sad thoughts 

So the medication brother started is the actual chemotherapy meds.

It's a 30-day dose. After that, I guess they'll decide from there if he needs more or to move ahead with transplant.

I'm here until then.

I give up on BM. and the eclipse. They're clearly not happening.

friends and family've said 'focus on getting there next year', and i just can't.

i can't plan because as far as i can tell next year will be worse. either i won't have money or time or both. likely both.

I'm sorry i haven't been able to help.

i see your hurt. all of you.
i'm sorry i can't do much to staunch it.

i'm sorry i can't even help myself, right now.

i'm just sorry.

i should be quiet more.

@neonNeptunian You are allowed to speak your pain. You are allowed to give voice to the feelings inside you. You are allowed to _have_ feelings. You are allowed to be a person. You are allowed to ask for help, to need others, and to be treated well. You are allowed to be a person if you wish, and not a people when it's appropriate. You are allowed to seek comfort and safety. You are allowed to be.

You are allowed.

We like you. We miss you. We will be here. We won't let you fall.

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