The dominant mood of today: "Nothin' left to see here, folks." Binging on Bojack Season 5 probably didn't help much, but really what I could use is an end to the recurring dreams in which I can't get anybody I know to still speak to me. In general... that "what are you still doing here, you toxic old fart" sensation is overwhelming today and I'm honestly not sure what the fuck to do about it besides be stoic, put my head down, work on Parallax, and get the hell outta Dodge like fate demands.

I don't want to pretend I'm the only one who suffered this year, not the only one by far nor the only one who suffered because of *my* fuckups. But it is particularly frustrating having your old life and sense of self basically sundered by offenses you still don't even fully *understand*. An action item here, at least-- some guidance as to what the hell I'm still doing wrong and what, if anything, I can do to fix it-- would have been helpful at any point. I dunno, no blame, am just lost.