Velvet Silmeria!Mánibranðr @FreyaManibrandr@awoo.space

It's also interesting that people seem to be much more pressed about this defederation than when r.l. did it. I mean sure, there was plenty of blowback to r.l., too, but there seems to be a lot more noise this time. It's like the threat level from the w.e. defederation is bigger--w.e. itself being bigger and more people being affected is a part of it, but I think it's also because w.e. is more "mainstream" and not considered paranoid cranks. I think w.e. defederation is rightly considered the tipping point for legitimacy and respectability in the broader fedi, and that's got the bad actors running scared. I love to see it.

Ignorance might not be wrong in itself, but you know what is? Claiming it couldn't have happened if you were not aware of it, or if you can't be thoroughly convinced of it to your own satisfaction. As a post I boosted eloquently put it, if you're white you're not going to see racism, not anything to the extent that BIPOC see it. *Listen* to the people worst affected. Don't dismiss people's lived experiences just because it's inconvenient for you.

The amount of people who are crying "receipts!" is kinda hilarious to me. I know not everyone is Extremely Online, but this was pretty impossible to miss if you were at all aware of the PV situation or had friends from that instance. This isn't a statement of blame for not knowing, which is no crime, but a call to be aware of where your circles of knowledge and caring are, and why.

I mean if your response to valid criticism is not, "I'll do better" but instead, "these all the reasons this random stranger hates me!", maaaaaaaaaybe you are the problem. wild, right?

don't get me wrong -- unlearning unhealthy habits is painful. there's a reason we engage in stuff like DARVO, and that's because it *works*. it's a maladaptive coping mechanism.

but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to do better.

@grainloom One of the moderators of that instance is having a very public meltdown right now that is quite literally a textbook example of DARVO. As I've said before: it is pretty insidious because if you are not familiar with it, it is pretty easy to believe that the person who is abusive is actually the victim, per what they are saying.

@twistylittlepassages

@grainloom I had friends on there. I silenced their instance a while back because of moderation that is inconsistent at best and outright hostile at worst. The moderators have a tendency to point fingers at other instances when they are alerted to bad behavior on their own instance, often changing the narrative to make it sound like they are the victim in any situation. (See: DARVO, thread pinned on my profile.) @twistylittlepassages

we are not offering receipts. enough people have told us a pattern of harm exists, many of whom are well known and trusted by us. we believe them. you don't have to, but we're not going to try to prove it to you.