Gooey Time Kilroy @Kilroy@awoo.space

Today wound up being more stressful than I anticipated. Kind of ended up drawn into something I'm not going to get into, and hoo boy did it suck.

Fuck I'm tired (says the firelizard that stays up past midnight regularly playing Farming Simulator)

Ugh I have an afternoon doctor's appointment which sucks because I have to fast for bloodwork, which means I basically can't eat anything from the moment I get up until the moment they do the thing. Great if it's in the morning, then it's just a late breakfast. But no, it's afternoon so it's only water from the time I go to bed until 15.5 hours from now. Soon as I'm done though I'm eating a nice greasy 5 guys burger and a bag of delicious fries :9

Nothing I love more than going to a cookout and listening to every single person eat because nobody knows how to chew with their mouth closed. Just the best >:C

For me... Cilich would, I feel, at least entertain the idea. Kilroy would only be in it for the fun and absolutely the food but he's not interested in actually courting me as a potential mate. Duke, my Charizard, would rather do things that require several content warnings, and Ick, my Goodra character, would not understand the concept.

So I thought of a question. Would you date your fursona?
But I feel like that's an easy question to answer because you know you. You generally have a good idea of where your interests lay and how your fursona might fit into that. Like I can say without hesitation that I would absolutely date Kilroy or Cilich or almost any of my other fursonas.

But here's a more interesting question that might require more thought and have a different answer: Would your fursona date you?

Jesus fuck the birdsite is on fire tonight. For very good reasons too, but holy shit do I not have the mental capacity to deal with literally any of it, and haven't for a while. I'm just so fucking exhausted, and seeing everything go to hell in a flaming dumpster full of shit is just going to do massive psychic damage to my already failing mental state. Fuck me I cannot wait for this weekend when I can just completely disconnect from absolutely everything and play Farming Simulator for 4 days straight.

One thing is for sure though; as soon as I can get a 4 day weekend set up I am fucking off somewhere nobody can find me or get ahold of me and just relaxing the entire time.

So any hope for relaxation at all this weekend is now officially gone. And with my birthday plans in the air pending approval for time off at work, I have absolutely no idea when I'm going to have ANY kind of stress free weekend. I am so freaking burnt out with 4 weeks of zero reprieve, and potentially up to 4 more weeks of the same...

So today especially I was hoping to take time to decompress and MAYBE have enough recovery time for another week of hell at work. But oh turns out I'm invited to spend time elsewhere. Well.. okay, sounds like the situation over there won't be stressful, and I haven't seen any of the people there in some time, so okay. But nope, a few hours in and the number of people unexpectedly double, with most of the new folk being quite LOUD and putting my stress levels through the roof.

Welp today turned out to be a total and complete wash. Whole weekend actually. Friday was at least halfway decent as I got to go see the new Sonic movie and enjoy a sushi lunch but the other half of Friday was mostly derailed due to an emergency run I had to deal with (which I've had to do at least once every single weekend for the past 4 weeks now...) Saturday wasn't terrible, but dealing with family is usually pretty exhausting for me, especially when I'm already at pre-burnout stages.

Honestly I probably wouldn't have this problem if the healthcare system weren't so paranoid about opioid addiction (which to be fair can be a serious issue, but I'll get into the problem in a bit) or if the government's idea of "welfare" wasn't "keep you well below the poverty line and don't you dare find any way to supplement that or fuck you you're cut off." Like maybe 20+ years ago $841/mo was enough to live off of before 1991, but nowadays that's barely even half of the federal minimum wage, and not even a quarter of minimum wage in many states today.

So people on SSI barely get any money unless they can find a job to supplement their income (but again if you're on SSI the second you get any kind of income that would put you back at the poverty level your SSI would get pulled.) And if you're completely disabled and can't hold a job? Well you're straight up fucked unless you can rely on someone else. So if you can't even drive, and you have bills to pay, you may not be able to afford to go to the doctor for an urgent visit (and medical rides require advance notice.) So of course being the only reliable source of transportation I have to be the one to transport.

Which brings me to the whole medical system. This having to be transport wouldn't be half the issue it sometimes tends to be if the doctors would actually do what needs to be done. Even before Covid struck this has been a HUGE issue. The person I have to transport falls well outside any textbook case that dictates how this situation gets handled, to the point where the only option available is to treat the pain. You can't cure it; the damage is too extensive to be repaired, and it's only getting worse. But no, because of the whole opioid issue most absolutely refuse to give any amount of heavy duty painkiller (even if it's just a half milligram) instead choosing to treat the issue with IV benadryl, aspirin, and anti-nausea (which does absolutely nothing.) and recommending they visit a pain specialist (Even though well over 2 dozen have been seen at this point.) So because they can't get the help they need this tends to mean I have to go back the next day or let them suffer for a whole week before I get another opportunity. And since I have no idea how long it's going to take each time that means sitting around doing damn near nothing for up to 4-5 hours each day. To be fair their primary care physician IS trying to figure out a way to get them reliably treated when this comes up, but the red tape involved is gargantuan so it's been taking FOREVER for something to be put in place that won't get pulled.

Honestly it annoys the hell out of me that I end up losing so much time to this, and I know it's not their fault. They can't help that the weather has been absolutely trash for 2 weeks straight, or needing to go near weekly. I'm just pissed that "disability" payments force disabled people to rely on others for damn near everything if they want to survive and that hospitals refuse to even consider that maybe someone can't be treated with textbook treatments. And don't get me started on the bullshit involved with "self-medicating." If they're caught "self-medicating" they can kiss their benefits goodbye AND be seen by the hospitals as merely drug-seeking. Medicinal marijuana is NOT legal in my state unfortunately.

Sure is fun losing half my weekend just to shuttle people around

April 10th is when I need to enact my dastardly plan to annoy the fuck out of my roommate by putting chocolate eggs all over the house wherever he might find them. Every single day. For a full week. Because Animal Crossing's Bunny Day egg hunt is even more fun when you get Too Many Damned Eggs™ in real life AND in the game :D

Facetime annoys me because I don't need to be hearing conversations, especially when I'm trying to pay attention to something. They're always louder than a phone call, and everyone around me that does it never uses headphones or earbuds so I'm treated to the full conversation from across the house.

God I hate listening to people eat SO MUCH

SiIvaGunner video game "rips" are really something else. Incredibly well done

I wonder how well a memory foam mattress pad would work as a sound deadening barrier for my door... I can hear literally everything going on in the living room, and it is damn tiring being woken up early EVERY DAY by one of the dog's freaked out yelping every time she's left alone for 2 minutes. ESPECIALLY when there's a 3 AM bathroom break for the dogs.

But yeah, I have two of the things from when I was sleeping on a futon that turned out to be not nearly as comfortable as I hoped.

Valentine's Day except it's just a normal day for ace and aro types

(I mean, I can go through the motions, but the (inter)national day of romance is, at least for me, kind of meaningless to someone who does not experience romantic feelings of any kind)