Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

listening to the soundtrack again. I can't remember the Krebs cycle and somehow a lot of this movie stuck verbatim

snapping turks? the dreadful flying glove? today, Pepperland goes BLUE-ey!

Accountancy ON ICE! A seasonal extravaganza featuring quarterly PL statements! The Dance of the Depreciation Fairies! A snowfall every performance!

Christmas with the Ogdru Jahad!

Konrad Curze™️, Primarch™️ of the Night Lords™️, is haunted constantly by horrific visions of the future. But can he see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch™️?

* Eldrad Ulthran voice *

see, mon-keigh LOVE war. So they have the equivalent of guardians but there are militant nuns, non-nun churchy soldiers, really badass soldiers, really REALLY badass soldiers, and really really REALLY really badass soldiers, and Mechanicus soldiers. They're practically pink-brown orks with tiny fangs. Their entire species needs to develop a hobby, I hear stamp collecting's nice.

the taste of love is sweet
just like luncheon meat

when Ah was just a puppy
my mama told me son
always be a good dog
don't ever play with guns
but Ah shot a man in Reno
just to watch him DAH.

trust me being shot in the Reno is nasty, so don't do it

Gnome Expeditionary Fleets, packed with biscuits, and heading at FTL speeds away from The Gnomeworld.

Some recent #drawings which I haven’t tightened up. One is #furry and has nudity but the others are more my normal stuff. CW for firearms!

Wondering if the good artists are out there wishing they were the good artists

urge to cut loose with this really angry rant about the usual stuff

instead; I started re-reading LotR for the first time in years. I used to be one of those people who religiously re-read it annually. I remember as a kid hating the slow buildup and wanting Tolkien to get to Good Bits ASAP. Now I actually really like him slowly introducing this fantasy place, slowly suggesting there's more going on than just a wonderful hobbit party and a mysterious ring left from Bilbo's great adventure.

@Kusimanse Anywhere we go winds up being Dad's option, with him driving and doing most of the talking, it's very childlike. Edmonds' Farmer's Market is a frequent stop, Ballard somewhat less so. I think he likes the idea that I enjoy vegetables and cook with them even if they're things like kohlrabi and celery root which he won't/doesn't touch.

@CoyoteTraveller I've been feeling that it's not so much I'm not a boy, as much as I hate having it MANDATED that I'm a boy (which means of course having manliness mandated, very early on).

"Durin's Bane" actually refers to an unusually spicy, greasy, and possibly bone-in curry eaten after a pub crawl

@GoodNewsGreyShoes This is the most recent shift in a big, long, decades-spanning process. Believing I was a terrible, stupid, ugly, worthless fuck-up wasn't healthy but explained a lot of the world, and since I started really getting past self-hate in 2017, my view of the world had to adapt.

The past 3 months have been a lot of changing worldview, and honestly it and other stuff means I'm kind of tired and burned out - though nowhere near as tired and burned out as I'd feel if I hadn't adopted some changes.

Honestly I feel like in all of this, my views of myself and my world have become a lot more positive while external events have gotten to be a lot tougher, the last few years, I've definitely gotten been on timing.

background to today's cooking frenzy; my Mom's mobility keeps her mostly housebound, my Dad became her caretaker, I visit them regularly as mostly emotional support. Typically I'll go somewhere with Dad so he's got someone to talk to while out, then hang out around dinner so Mom feels wanted too.

Yesterday some of going places with Dad was getting huge produce at a farmer's market.

Today I roasted a huge fennel bulb, added half the big radishes to existing pickles, used the rest with most of the lettuce in salads for lunch and later this week (also used remaining shallots from Thursday), made a big pot of curry (not stuff from the farmer's market), and used the oven to use up a few remaining fish fillets as the rest of lunch.

@GoodNewsGreyShoes There's no reward to deserve, no punishment to avoid, there's just things I'd like and things I don't. Positives and negatives happen thanks largely to a lot of other events and people moving out there in the world, and I don't carry the entire responsibility for what happens to me.

Since I'm not actually caught up in some morality/worthiness play, I *can* accept that I have power and agency, rather than emotionally invested in being powerless and victimized because I'm trying to dodge punishment or trying to explain being punished to myself. And if I have agency and power sometimes, and mistakes are inevitable rather than irreparable catastrophes for which I'll be punished again and again and again, then at some point I'm going to fuck up. At some points *I* will actually be where things went wrong.

None of this is stuff I could have learned from my childhood.

With my ex, I'd initially been so caught up in my old worldview where I was required to accept that I'd fucked up and "deserved punishment," then whether I "deserved" to be angry at them, then actually feeling rabidly pissed off at them. But I hadn't really taken it to heart that a lot of where it fell apart really *was* my fault.

#crosspost #repost

TBH the semantics are part of this. Instead of autocorrect my case example had been phone camera adjusting focus and F stop - profoundly useful, until it isn't. Call it machine learning and it sounds like a tool.

Calling it AI obfuscates this, makes it from the future of rounded featured robots which walk your dog and maintain your lawn, not from a present of C-levels cutting jobs, paying more money for your Adobe subscription, and of course environmental destruction.

in my dream I inadvertantly cheated on my ex, and we broke up again (we actually broke up because she wanted kids and I didn't, but our emotions weren't that simple and each of us really fucked the other up entirely too much)

this is definitely part of how my worldview has been shifting again, but I still feel terrible.

I really really need to buy more stuff from artists I like. It's not like the pros aren't strapped for money too, and it's not like I don't like art books.

I guess I keep worrying that now that I'm not constantly pouring money into living in a studio in north Seattle, car, health or losing work will eat all the money - something which combines the CPTSD baggage of "some adult always has a reason I can't get what I want and it'll be too much my fault or oh-SO-obviously a normal necessary thing."