Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

I really hope this is a quick deal and I can get my car back from the shop soon. I mean, who wants to be THAT customer at an understaffed car mechanic? but I really don’t like feeling largely stuck at home.

Wayne Reynolds’ art; multiple overlapping armor pieces with engraving! Amulets! Sleeping bag, mess kit, religious tome and spare weapons strapped to belts!

Wayne Reynolds’ gear for reenactment; check out my new hounskull bascinet! Also I had to carry a belt pouch for my wallet and glasses, so this outfit’s not entirely accurate.

Whether he is or isn’t a clinical, DSM 5 would go YEP A NARC or not, he presses my buttons from 2017 really badly.

So in 2017 I worked for a narcissist- not just on the spectrum but editing reality on the fly grandiosity- and this nearly killed me, plus of course I think Trump is clinically.
So there’s Musk who has to be center of attention, things have to be his way (shafting his employees), he’s soaking up being The Great Defender of Free Speech, that free speech happens to be stuff which says he’s great, folks like the Netflix guy says he’s great, and it all reads as a narc to me.

We *deserve* very little of what comes our way, good and ill. This places lots of emphasis on places where we might actually affect our circumstances.

Then I realized a chunk of “suffering is moral” is partly self soothing, the equivalent of treating myself to pie for dinner or missing sleep because I feel my time’s stolen by a job. Stacks with how compassion and generosity are more visible contrasted with experiences that drive me into myself; with expectation that effort exerted should have some effect. (And from there we get into more personal, less universal beliefs that somehow I’m doomed to get the short end of the stick.)

Police and thieves in the street, fighting the nation with their guns and ammunition,
Femme in the sheets.

who has two thumbs and just basically had a panic attack set off by car repair/increased rent?

One #drawing today, samurai vs oni in a bamboo grove. Figured I’d go with Sengoku period armor and a kowari kabuto for a change, liked the curve of having a tachi even though it’s basically a cavalry weapon (repositioned oni’s leg).

lee van cleef, but nobody ever tells you whether he was a treble cleef or a bass cleef

koff KOFFF koff koff koff
*drinks tea*

I'm okay, I'm okay. Just trying to sing along with Tom in my best Tom Waits voice wasn't a good idea this evening.

Can’t get post con depression if you’re depressed about not getting to the con!

Looking back it’s understandable but also a bit shocking that I lost years, opportunities and joy, all thanks to stuff that was total bullshit but which just hit home one thing after another.
Usually when low on sleep and blood sugar. Compounded by PTSD messages ability being stuck, trapped and treading water. Compounded by whatever weir way my brain works; I think okay *slowly* figuring stuff out on paper, but not so very when someone expects me to be a genius right now on command.

This year was the huge realization that stuff that’s unpleasant and uncomfortable, stripped of childhood associations and self hate, are still unpleasant and uncomfortable. That’s why I *have* those childhood associations and self hate; terrible experiences with no recovery time left me vulnerable, and then *anything* negative anyone told me (which is itself another unpleasant, uncomfortable thing with no recovery time!) was something I accepted as indisputable dogma.

🖼

I’m old and the world’s ending. I have more things to feel bad about than people treating me like I’m stupid.

“Huh huh huh huh. Cumdach. Huh huh huh. Vade mecum. Huh huh huh.”
“Yeah yeah yeah yeah! Hey Butt-heade, ych have alswo a cumdach!”
“Fettle down, dille-hole!”
#subtweet