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anxiety spike about rent and money in general spread to upset about my lack of free time and now I'm very awake, feh!

Last week I started a batch of but took a break from finishing stuff, today I finished up three of ‘em, plus here’s Sunday’s unposted (there was a holiday).

Dear YouTube could you please stop serving me ads from the Young America Foundation or the Liebstandarte Adolph Hitler or whoever the hell these guys are? I just wanna listen to music, man.

Oh YEAH it’s Danny Elfman’s “Sad Goth Snow Dance!”! It’s on the soundtrack immediately after “The Part Where You Cry Uncontrollably”!

Muppet Van Helsing, in which Hugh Jackman is the only human (with horrifying CGI for his transformation into Animal). It’d have Beaker, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Miss Piggy and of course the Count von Count as Dracula.

Repost of Dr. Jessica Ware over on Bluesky;

Black in Natural History Museums week is coming up this October! “ Day 5 (Oct 19) will feature a panel about pathways to leadership & also strategies, challenges & opportunities for increasing Black participation in NHMs
Register:tinyurl.com/y4bzxzk8”

Oh yeah this werewolf themed Pathfinder module has varyingly believable pseudo German and pseudo Slavic names. The end of the adventure ends up in the town of FELDGRAU. This is ridiculous; since werewolves are traditionally more French than German, the town should of course be named Horizonbleu.

The problem with swapping from Tinariwen to Cirith Ungol is that now, instead of wanting to skip work to have an edible and sleep more, I would like to skip work to play D&D.

Revisiting my favorite Dead Can Dance album and it’s SO GOOD.

coyote sing along hour, gruesome 

my girl, my girl, don't lie to me,
tell me where did you sleep last night?
in the pines, in the pines
where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through

her husband was a railroad man
an' about a mile from here
his HEAD was found in the drivin' wheel
but his body never was found

it can't be wishing-I-were-pretty-o'clock NOW, I'm not even officially off shift now and once I am I have stuff that needs doing

hot take "Wherever I May Roam" would be the best song on the black album if it *didn't* have a werewolf song.

And because it’s traditional while listening to Metallica;

16 08 07 12 16 14

Okay the thing I was worried I’d fucked up, last week? I fucked up, last week BUT not entirely, the mistakes were a relatively quick fix and we’re good now.

tonight's edition of "I could fall asleep with the battle of Kursk next door/2-3 hours later I'm very awake"

Just wanted to post photos from today’s walk earlier, it was such a good day outside and I wanted to both share and remember.

I don’t need a used book on Maximinus Thrax. I don’t even LIKE Romans! Instead let’s buy this equivalently priced Pathfinder module which I probably will never run in any form but which has werewolves.

Guess that point about self hate merits clarification; all the above (lack of resources, trapped with seemingly unending tasks instead, crap self worth etc) can all FEEL like monolithic objective reality (low intensity, nigh constant frequency), but literally being TOLD that (relatively infrequent, high intensity) really cemented it, inside my mind.

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This big nearly impossible to challenge circle of CPTSD/ADHD issues. LITERALLY impossible to challenge with no real down time and actual negatives or just hypervigilence. And, so incidental/artifactual (the big constant is everyone, me included, wanting what most conveniences US) the simplest (therefore ONLY when constantly strapped for emotional resources) pattern matching is self loathing I was literally taught (and also directed anger inwards, distracted, etc).

What a fucking mess!

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