Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

okay, I just tried telling someone on Taps I REALLY wasn't feeling it, which is way more polite than either flipping my shit at them or disconnecting rather than let them continue groping me. This is into fucking bad hovering at the edge of conscious memory territory.

Also; the Elric books loomed huge in my childhood and some of the minor characters REALLY stood out enough that I can name them even now. Similarly some Judge Dredd lore really embedded itself in my head for some reason. I really SHOULD try drawing this, shouldn’t I? And yet I haven’t.

A weird minor emotional thing rn; I get the strong feeling I’m not supposed to/permitted to see or enjoy this one media thing, and it’s something I seriously loved as a kid. For whatever reason I can’t seem to accept that it’s okay this was really cool back when my life didn’t have much really cool, but it’s not for me now.

went from spotting beating myself up about anything sexual - if not watched my brain will phrase sex as some sort of weird competition in which I'm at risk of being rejected entirely if I prove I'm not good enough, and right now my libido's real patchy, which is cause for a lot of dumb self hate

that's part of the larger cognitive distort that everything is some sort of fucky competition where I can't just BE, and still be worthy and accepted and safe

this gets me to how the chunk of negative assumptions about "life is a big competition in which I will be engineered into losing somehow" has been really stirred up by how my last day job ended.

#drawings today, it tightened today

darn there isn't a surf guitar cover of The Prisoner theme. Come on, they're both really 1960s...

Okay; I put in for some jobs, did my weekly UI claim, and cleared an inbox. That ought to be good enough to call it for today, head to Fred Meyer for gas, maybe since that’s nearby hit H Mart and see if they have kimbap or something else I’d like as breakfast.

these things they go away
replaced by everyday
nightswimming, remembering that night
September's coming soon
pining for the moon
and what if there were two
side by side in orbit, around the fairest sun?

Want 'em back now, want 'em all back
I wanted you to be more real than all the others
We all want to be more real than all of the rest
BUT IT WASN'T.

"Drop a ship that doesn't come from Star Trek/Star Wars"

oh you mean Nick Wilde/Gideon Gray fanfic

it's weird how the known depersonalization that job hunting would feel crushing to anyone doesn't actually stop it feeling crushing.

So, once again SOMETHING linked to my best guess is Lenovo's stuff on this laptop has knocked out the drivers for the sound. I have no clue what does this, I don't have the intellectual leanings or technical skills to crack it better than I have been, and this really bugs me.

Spotting this one big cognitive distort I have this morning. How am I going to break myself of this habit?

#drawings from today or finished today

Wanting so much that in fact I don’t know what I want and hopefully “crappy faux-Chinese from Safeway” will work for the moment.

Also today, the werewolf who suggested frantically communicating with the hunter-spider in the Umbral Weaver pyramid, right when we were about to be stuck fighting it, was the Ahroun. This shouldn’t happen.

We’re in a dungeon. In the Umbra. In a Weaver place which theoretically should NOT be so established. With some sort of huge Weaver thing scraping around outside.

So far at my end; Xiphoros seeks out the biggest badass in the Sept, and begs them to be his shifu. Also, Milano cookies were good for game night.

“I nearly said the Get of Fenris FANDOM.”
“Those are asatru.”

Need a smoke and coffee

@obscurestar TOP O THE MORNIN' TAE YOU