Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Today’s iteration of “what have you got in your mouth? Drop it. Drop it!”

this world is not the fear-driven, punishment obsessed, exclusive, competitive place I learned it was as a kid. Nor is it entirely the open, inclusive, joyous place I wanted it to be as an adult. Instead it's this mix of both with things I haven't even considered yet.

I'm now realizing appropriate levels of caution are damn hard to calculate. I want to avoid hypervigilence, since living in a world which is out to get me and where attacks can come at any time, is miserable. But although I now know the world isn't out to get me, there *are* plenty of places where people can still harm me without being particularly malicious, there *are* the occasional malicious assholes, and to make it even more complex, there are places where I *am* going to be hurt, no matter what amount of hypervigilence or naive openness.

okay, calling it; I'm having problems getting back to sleep, I've been stressed out lately, it's cold enough this morning would be profoundly uncomfy, and this weekend's about to largely evaporate into family stuff and time change, so I think now's a wise time to call in sick.

however creating a wooly mouse was but a precursor to reviving the mighty sabertoothed dire mouse, terror of the Pleistocene

Tori Amos was making me SAD, so I swapped to different 90s

I have NO CLUE what this Veruca Salt track is about other than possibly buying new flannel shirts from the Federal Way Fred Meyers at 2 AM, but I'm here for it.

Thinking about getting lunch from Japanese grocery deli counter

here are some #drawings

https://youtu.be/ul_bymrBui8

listening to Sad But True in the original Mongolian gets me to shamisen takes on Metallica gets me to this, Iron Maiden’s classic song about Takeda cavalry at Nagashino.

Okay time for the Black Album.

And you know what Metallica means right?

14 14 12 16 11 12

Pretty good. Probably thief, cleric or druid.

possibly I should buy Battletech as a way of already having a pricey hobby and therefore NOT get into Kill Team/40K by the time my brain snaps into "I need to save money I need to save money I need to save IT'S NOT ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE I MAY AS WELL GET SHIT I LIKE"

you know instead of [long list of more pragmatic crafts, such as knitting] [cue self hate for not being omnicompetent enough]

technically I am awake, sober, and going to work another full and potentially rough day, however this is distinctly different from "awake, sober, and ready to work."

oh yeah the Lady Gaga cover of Dragula

this is of course the 12" club extended mix

oontz oontz oontz

two thumpers are planted. the Worm may not rise for the first, he will rise for the second. When the Worm passes you must be utterly still

Fear is a complete hessian that harshes my mellow. I shall calm my tits. I shall permit the fear to wash over my tits, and when it is gone my tits shall remain.

dude *giggles* hey dude

dude

what if how everyone enjoys whatever they enjoy has, like, a flip side

and that's how everyone can not be in the mood for whatever they're not in the mood for, and THAT'S okay too

and like... what if it's okay for YOU to be one of those everyones it's okay for?

dude

I run through the world thinking about tomorrow
thinking about tomorrow
thinking about tomorrow
I am smelling like a rose that somebody gave me on my birthday deathbed

come closer and see
see into the trees
find the girl
if you can

come closer and see
see into the dark
just follow your eyes
follow your eyes
into the trees

people the people big bellies banging bigger drums
they beat the pulse into your shoes
shoes are made for walking you to lands and other seas
see the seas oh see the seas that you've seen on the big screen

currently sitting around naked

stoned like Alviss when he fell for Thor's cunning trick

listening to Heilung

would you know more?

URI VINCIRI UEBARI FERROQUE NECARI

*downs edible*

https://youtu.be/_B0CyOAO8y0

now realizing;

* if I'm this mad, it's something that reminds me of childhood
* part of why I've had such terrible problems with self hate is directing anger inwards so I can't get into trouble for expressing it
* being angry/stuffing anger makes me more susceptible to the next irritation until I can be a lot less frequently dinged

so I was directing this much fucking incandescent rage inwards, for literally years on end. How do I still have a functioning GI tract?