Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

one of life's biggest ironies is knowing you're NOT the nastiest, evillest fucker out there only because you're worried that you're the nastiest, evillest fucker out there, and the ACTUAL nastiest, evillest fuckers are perpetrating horrors you can't imagine, while dead sure they're the good guys.

does it really count as the great Jewish tradition of having Chinese food on Christmas if you're kaifengfu, or otherwise cook it yourself?

Current mood; realizing my crap body image reflects both past indoctrination (that I’m ugly) and gender dysphoria overlapping that I’m not DOING what I want as well as I’m not ACTING as I want. Not only can’t I present as a pretty girl, not only have I learned being this pissed off and bored aren’t appropriate pretty girl emotions, but I’m supposed to be a replaceable drone, so male; the idea of being a pretty boy has been set off limits to me.

Today in the shower I realized you can sing “William Shatner” in place of “Karma Police.”

at 1:05-2:00 CHRISTMASTIME! hee hee hee hee!
at 2:01 oh crap, it's the Weep Copiously leitmotif

https://youtu.be/t9Os6Su8QX8

oh yeah, it's time, I'm feeling the holiday spirit *sits bolt upright and scowls*

here's Danny trying to be Schostakovich AND SUCCEEDING

https://youtu.be/Rn2ISWoqsHc

Tonight’s #drawing

When I first started seriously considering I might have ADHD my question was well, do I have ADHD or CPTSD because some stuff is common to both. Lately I've been realizing that the ADHD re-enforces the CPTSD and vice versa.

Really spotted today; emotional dysregulation from either source means things that are frustrating become FRUSTRATING!!1! Obviously the faster I can walk back FRUSTRATING!!1! to frustrating, not insurmountable, is important to avoid the angry meltdown I fear because that'd get me punished (and/or set off even more hypervigilence, with the intensity ramped up).

But; hypervigilence is holding onto fear, because you can't afford to let anything be less than absolutely vital, and if fear isn't itself frustrating it sure sets that up easily.

It's not like weepiness, the other big expression of emotional volubility, or f'goodness' sake joy, wasn't something which would be immediately spotted and punished back there.

I usually really like big Astartes walkers which are what if basically dude in power armor but now with even bigger power armor.

However I am LOSING IT at the engraved groin plate on the Grey Knights Nemesis Dreadknight. It looks like a Holy Diaper! You’re being attacked by an Assault Babyfur! “Perfidus purgator! Brother Ezekiah, we are surrounded by Tyrannids and I need a nap and want my blankie!”

PUNCHIN’ the CORPOREAL UNDEAD! Right in the SKULL, WHAM!

Yesterday’s #drawings

John “Ramblin’ Rasslin’”Tolkien enters the ring bellowing DET VAR GOD CYNING

He’s an Oxford dean and he’s here to take YOU to school!

BANZIFLOR ET HELENA
BANZIFLOR ET HELENA
VENUS VENUS GENEROSA
Uhhh.
*looks around*

MAHNA MAHNA

*to the tune of O Fortuna*
MAHNA MAHNA

alternatively Against the Giants would be Against Me! opening for They Might be Giants, which you have to admit would be ridiculously awesome

the Against the Giants series of modules, which isn't the same as They Might be Giants, an adventure for 2 accordion players of levels 10-12

“The blowjob brothers” thank you, it’s actually “the Knightly Order of Exaulted Fellatio.” MONTJOIE!

Confusing “kayfabe” with “Mary Kay” and consequently with “Mary Sue.”

don't just open that blister pack of old pewter minis from 1988, use your hobby knife to cut a small opening and let the air slowly circulate, lest inhaling it send you into retro gaming coma in which you insist And Justice for All was the best album ever and want to get more Adeptus Titanicus minis

fiending for Snarfquest and wanting to know whatever happened to Raistlin anyway

oh also And Justice for All is still one of the best albums ever.

#drawing tonight, more trying to think through fabric.