Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Today I am working to correct a (single) inputting mistake I made in early April - including trying to step away from beating myself up about being an innately inept fuck-up with no future, whose death would be better for everyone etc.

Being more aware and trying to retain perspective is definitely progress, but I still feel wrecked. I definitely think the open office setting aggravates my issues and that working at NTS really pushed back my progress about catastrophizing.

So you know how I grew up around catastrophizing, where there just weren’t minor mistakes and everything could be punished disproportionately? And how that stacked badly with a disastrous childhood accident which had this implication of being “punished disproportionately”?

And how I spent 2017 in an abusive company which did a lot of catastrophizing?

And how I’ve been grinding on how there’s actually nuance to my world, for instance how not all mistakes are dire calamities?

Infected Mushroom and crummy sleep going in. Feel like I did better drawing a boundary for myself and defusing a bit of self hate.

Um #tmituesday anyone?

A while back I came to the realization that I wasn't a terrible person, partly because that's a little too simplistic a description for the world.

Months later, after all Sunday's thinking about my issues, and with intestinal upset, I'm hitting the same realization from a different angle; that "terrible" has just no nuance. No room for "bad," "really minor mistake," "ongoing issue to work on," or "this negative self judgment is at least half sheer force of habit."

Whatever it was that I ate, apparently it was a bad idea, and of course some of my reaction is wanting to take the day off.

I'm trying to tell myself that my kinks are okay; that they're a way of processing self-worth issues within a consensual, safe context.

.

oh you may think that it's deluxe
to ride the elevator filled with bugs
but don't
don't
don't
DON'T
don't go in the basement

A while back I revamped a character who sat idle on a furry MU* for literally years. Over the course of playing him again he's gained;

* that he's a magical wild talent and has been trying to learn magic on the side, despite knowing his parents would disapprove
* a last name
* a sister, and what she calls him
* what his father does for a living and looks like
* where his parents are from
* that he went literally berserk while being bullied and bit the heck out of his persecutor, in HS

Trying to do the Iain McCaig almost painterly thing, reading through Races of Faerun. #dnd #drawings

What if D&D race choices only with playable dromaeosaurids and tyrranosaurids send toot

@green @Jssra @anthracite the secret dinosaur greeting at furry cons! Stick out your thumb and first two fingers on each hand, cock your wrists, hunch forward and hiss at the other person. NOBODY WILL EVER NOTICE, THAT’S HOW SECRET.

YES! This episode of Web DM mentioned dragonborn barbarians! Represent! *waves fist*

Again the best thing about 4e (and I liked 4e!) was that in the PHB, where they had little explanations for player choice in races, they flat out said “play dragonborn if you want to look like a dragon.”

https://youtu.be/RBjEVFQlKrk omg 💙

I’m trying to think “instant karma; I have just made a world in which sometimes people give $5 to homeless people” rather than “$5 is a lot of money and you’re going to need that yourself soon.”

This is the second time I’ve just handed $5 to a street person. I feel bad about this in ways handing over singles or change doesn’t make me feel but let’s face it $1 doesn’t get you a meal or whatever and begging like that has to feel awful.

Since Danny Elfman composed soundtracks with similar motifs for both the first take on Spider Man and for Men In Black, I can only assume both are canonically in the same fictional NYC.