Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Last boost of my own #drawings, I figure maybe people would like to see real rough stuff and sometimes I like how it looks.

so let's see. I need to better internalize an emotional belief that I can succeed and be happy, and in fact have been successful and happy in the past, as part of breaking out of a bad feedback loop of observer bias to despair and anxiety.

And, I need to better internalize this despite a batch of fairly constant, sometimes increasing, external stressors which play *right into* the observer bias.

ooorgh

I am a bundle of anxieties, mostly related to money (I paid car insurance, and it was a hefty chunk after I dropped a chunk this month getting a tooth pulled *after insurance*), with a little bit of; I will never get to relax about politics, I will never get to relax about covid, and doing a batch of things I'd like seems impossible. Etc.

I know that my emotional state is being hammered by a batch of stuff with little recovery time, and that's part of why the despair; I know this is how I got to the worldview I had stumbling out of high school (and out of undergraduate, etc - college is stressy). Beyond that not entirely sure how to de-fuse all of the despair plus anxiety.

she opened STRANGE DOORS that we'd never close again!
she began to wail jealousy's scream
waiting at the lights, you know what I mean?
scary monsters and super creeps
keep me running, running scared.

[this song is not in fact about opening a portal and awakening the Ogdru Jahad]

apparently in a French enough mood to think these "pommes de terre avec haricots verts" from Trader Joe's needs a little extra tarragon

Really rough #drawings today, all Norse stuff and cavalry. Dwarf shield wall vs elves; dwarf heavy and light infantry; goblin champion victorious over a halfling champion. #wip

Nick Fury, Agent of AGENT (American General Exploration and Nationwide Transportation)

Re last boost; I hate how Twitter has this solid product (people want to share cat photos/art/little dumb comments/etc with friends, and as much as it makes me pucker, that’s a way to advertise) and yet constantly tries to sell it for other stuff. It’s again, like if Coca Cola pushed how you can use Coke to degrease engine parts or flavor cakes or literally anything other than as pop you can drink.

I really hate the simple dualism that socialism or communism will fix everything, as opposition to how what’s going on now is definitely not working, I don’t trust ANY government. I think accountability and transparency are way more important than any particular economic/government system.

And what we have now, a government owned by churches and corporations, is not a balance to those churches and corporations, and cannot be trusted to self regulate.

Something Good – Negro Kiss (1898) – alternativ versjon https://youtu.be/Y1FvpEeUBQo via @YouTube

oh wow. Okay so the first chunk of the clip is definitely comedians who've acted together for a while. But the second more seen part too. They're dressed middle class and the whole thing is people playing to Black theatergoers. And that's a batch of legitimization - the folks in Black Wall Street, or how Duke Ellington and Cab Calloway came from these really middle class backgrounds. This is what all the racism in the 20s was pushback against. If that "read" makes any sense.

my girl my girl don't lie to me
tell me where did you sleep last night
in the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver th' whole night through
my girl my girl where will you go
I'm goin' where the cold winds blow
her husband was a hard-workin' man an' about a mile from here
his HEAD was found in th' drivin' wheel but his body never was found!

friends, you get some silver? You get a little gold?
what did you bring me, my dear friends, to keep me from the gallis pole?
I couldn't get no silver, I couldn't get no gold,
you know we're too damn poor to keep you from the gallis pole!

when my fist clenches, crack it open
before I use it and lose my cool
and if I smile, please tell me some bad news
before I laugh and look like a fool
and if I swallow anything evil put your finger down my throat
and if I shiver please give me a blanket
keep me warm, let me use your coat.

ten years worth of dust and neglect
we made our peace with weariness and let it be
the moon will sing a song for me, I loved you like the sun
bore the shadows that you made with no light of my own
I shine only with the light you gave me.
I shine only with the light you gave me.

and they're only gonna change this place
by killing everyone in the human race
and they would kill me for a cigarette
but I don't even want to die just yet.
There has to be an invisible sun
that gives its heat to everyone
there has to be an invisible sun
that gives us hope when the whole day's done.

and I remember she used to fall down a lot
that girl was always falling again and again
and I used to sometimes try to catch her
but never even caught her name

okay, calmed down enough to swap from "Let's Lynch the Landlord," "Fuck the USA," and "Beat the Bastards" to "Linger" and "Fast Car."

Did you know it’s possible to make rice pudding with almond milk? Did you know it’s possible to angrily make rice pudding?

so my landlords have decided that I need to be sandwiched in against a support column by a new, wide, white Honda.

I've left voice mail and email asking them to move me next to a compact car or empty space so it's easier to maneuver.