Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

"what in the world do you think you're doing, you can't come in here, this is a closed set!"
"Wull piss on me, Ah'm workin' fer Mel Brooks."
"Please. Not in the face. THANK YOU."
"They've hurt Bunny! Come on girls!"
#MovieQuotes #PossiblyVeryProblematic

TH' TAOWN SALOON WAS ALLUS LIVELY
BUT NEVER NASTY OR OBSCENE
BEHIND THE BAR STOOD ANAL JOHNSON
HE ALWAYS KEPT THINGS NICE AND CLEAN
*braaaaap*

"Star Trek" Amok Time (Episode from 1967) music https://youtu.be/guNfdqpk7bA via @YouTube

listening to this without a shirt on, as is appropriate (I don't own any shirts with a boob window)

Today was mostly shadowing, finished doing practice calls with a senior coworker who not only didn’t tear into my performance but even told me I did some stuff right, so that’s definitely a really variable, subjective thing from this week.

Remembering how public school solved in favor of kids who either built up a sense of self from being valued or bullies (so self centered school couldn’t crush them), and associated “success” with worthiness, so self worth got to be cumulative and frequently solved for assholes. Presumably if you had a really supportive encouraging family you’d make it through okay too, but who gets that?

Also I realized I was never actually stupid! And most of the time I wasn’t half assing it! More later, maybe, I’m just fairly stoked about this.

Up with anxiety again.

I really have no idea why I didn't embrace an otter fursona. I think that may be due to an ex suggesting I wasn't playful enough, years ago; I definitely really *like* river otters and associate with them.

Also, reminded of how if I can ever get to Japan, Kyoto and Osaka are both a little more interesting to me than Tokyo.

my upstairs' neighbors' kid is currently playing with the spring on the doorstop

I don't think anything else makes that noise

WOO HOO
WOO HOO
I GOT MY HEAD SHAVED BY A JAMAICAN
IT WASN'T EASY
BUT NOTHING IS
#MisheardLyrics #90s

we've moved on from Siamese Dream to "Possum Kingdom," and "Glycerine," and might even get to "Flagpole Sitta" and "Song 2" as part of "stuff which isn't necessarily that great but lets me indulge in unwise nostalgia"

*reading argument about whether The Toadies' "Possum Kingdom" is about vampirism*

'course not, it's about hanging around South University Street and going to Pinball Pete's, Underworld and Gorditos not necessarily in that order

part II : crying to Smashing Pumpkins

fortunately at a dark time like this I can always find distraction in that great Californian liberal past time, being pissed off about why the fuck doesn’t Diane Feinstein step down/didn’t step down about a decade back

Then they had me shadow a senior CSR so G-d knows. I’m going to stick with see how Friday plays out, talk to folks on Telegram and draw to chill out this evening.

Trainer/supervisor who’d been critical all this time decided to throw me a practice call in which the theoretical caller was determined to flip his shit at someone. I did the practice as best possible since I could not discontinue or immediately refer the call, set up a callback, and got criticized for poor caller verification again and also my phrasing had invited the caller’s aggression. This on top of a all your calls are flawed, felt awful.

Essentially taking out self hate puts me back at; look this isn’t comfortable, do I trust I could land somewhere more comfortable enough to say naw, not worth it, worth the discomfort of looking and feeling unsafe that way, instead?

… and, this is the point where my thoughts quickly cycle to “I wish I were actually smart and worthwhile, I should have become a programmer or a car mechanic and I’d be safe from this, but I was/am too weak and fucking stupid” then “I am never going to be safe, I should kill myself and escape but I’m too cowardly.” None of these are productive or helpful thoughts.

Training for this job continues to be incredibly discouraging and makes me feel I’d be no good at the real deal. I’m still planning to give it another day and a half before telling my agency this isn’t working and asking them to find a different position. I HATE this there’s always something you’re getting wrong; even without it actually inviting a (possibly screamed) harangue about how stupid and inept I am, it’s profoundly distressing.

Matrix Matrix Revolution, in which Neo wins a dance off with Smith and other agents because while preternaturally skilled and fast they’re still limited to normal dancing in the Matrix, whereas as The One, our hero can truly bust some freaky moves.

Finally drew werewolves for #WerewolfWednesday! #drawing non human eye contact