Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

dopamine or not, I think it'd be emotionally useful for me to see MORE things as goals even if their significance gets completely wiped out immediately in a larger hostile world. Example; yesterday I drove south, did an in person interview, drove back and in the middle of my job hunt found out I didn't get the job.

If I can phrase this as having accomplished a necessary step in this process I hate, one that wouldn't have had ANY chance of working out if I hadn't sunk effort into it, that makes it feel a lot better than just having it be part of an ongoing lifetime of never being good enough.

One complete vicious asshole who's plagued this country for decades, finally dying, doesn't achieve much sadly; like antisemitism and anti-Blackness, nobody loses money as an homophobe and there's a lot of other people out there causing harm, and all I can do is beat myself up for feeling even vaguely glad someone I learned to completely hate is no longer a source of harm.

I remember being a kid when AIDS was at its worst. At the time I had no clue I was Queer, I knew no openly Queer people, I wasn't permitted to know a relative was, I didn't know I was near vibrant enclaves in Little Five Points and Athens.

What I *did* know was that right wingers seemed to be ridiculously happy that folks (whose worst faults I was told were being girly and having ass sex) were dying in complete misery.

Even AT THAT TIME I got a real good idea of who the REAL bad guys were.

unfortunately there's only one person I need to die to solve all my problems for me

and I am unlikely to go away any time soon.

oh wow. Well that took my mood STRAIGHT from "art study and mashups have me feeling up to crunching through email and job applications" to "I am not permitted to off myself so I am trapped until something goes on its own and sadly that's unlikely to be this afternoon."

Copying hands from this gorgeous book of “mythological women” I’m struck by how Japan’s monsters are really influenced by cold winters with thick clothing. “She opened her kimonos and underneath was a skeleton!””She finally got up from the floor far enough we could see her giant spider body!” “Beneath all those sleeves she had snakes!” Etc.

oh yeah it's time for Body Movin', which for some reason was my go-to track for folding laundry for about half a year

Can I be depressed and at the Asian supermarket AND only impulse buy king oyster mushrooms and mugicha and stuff?

I feel like crap about a great deal of things

#subtweet The Punisher is what happens when your favorite thing about Batman is him interrogating folks by dangling them from tall buildings.

Similarly, Cable is when your favorite thing about the Punisher's guns isn't the actual firearm part but that they have all sorts of neat little technical gribblies.

reading the phrase "Monsters of Australian Folklore" in my heaviest most obviously fake ocker accent

Today is being a very I hate Seattle and I need out sort of day

apparently "ham and cheese sandwiches maybe 3 hours from bedtime" gave me the sort of acid reflux I once could only achieve with chorizo burritos though, thankfully, not as bad as chorizo-burrito-AND-strawberry-margarita acid reflux

well at least now I can post the "What a week, huh?" "It's Wednesday, Comrade Captain" meme

Let's say you have a trans girl, and if she were willing to grit her teeth and put up with playing boy for her father, a man who makes more than ALL OF AUSTRALIA in a year, she could be rich beyond the dreams of avarice. What sort of father must that incredibly rich man be, that she literally disowned him and passed up on all chance of ever seeing any of that money?

it turns out that all of us who used to only KINDA hate Twitter are currently finding out.

A Scotsman clad in kilt left th' bar one evening fair
An' one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
when all at one a mighty herd of red-eyed cows he saw
ploughin' through the ragged skies and up the cloudy draw

their faces gaunt their eyes were blurred
their shirts all soaked not dry
an' one says to the other with a twinkle in his eye
see yon sleepin' Scotsman so strong and handsome built
Ah wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

yippie ay yay
yippie ay yo
ghost rahders in th' sky

they marveled for a minute then one said we must be on
let's leave a present for our friend before we move along
'cause they've got to ride forever
on that range up in the sky
on horses snortin' fahr
as they rahd on hear them cry

The' Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
behind th' bush he lifts his kilt and he gawks at what he sees
and in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
tryin' t'catch the devil's herd
across these endless skies

yippie ay yay
yippie ay yo
ghost rahders in th' sky

Just one #drawing today, a noble Warforged paladin takes the fight to duergar slave traders in their own lair.

and then I think of the hierarchy of human needs. I didn't have enough food; I certainly didn't feel safe; I was semi-intentionally isolated and my personality pushed under to serve others' needs; I was handed religion which wasn't an option I could explore, or it was actively hostile.

I was NOT going to charge out of this, achieve financial and emotional success by the age of 28.

And if it sounds like I'm trying to feel better about how I'm a disposable nothing in this society/feeling endangered by this/far from doing a lot of things I want to do, slammed home by yet another birthday, you're right actually; I am.

I’m struck by how short a distance there is between “I don’t like how I am made to live” and “I don’t like myself,” and given all the value judgments in childhood about how being good would have kept me safe, there really wasn’t a way I could’ve retained any self-esteem whatsoever.

Thanks to having the Blacksad Sketchbook before owning book one (Within the Shadows) this is actually the first time I’ve seen this dialogue in English!