Weird little anxiety attack. Took a melatonin, sitting up to try and breathe.
But the good news is, I'm not in "my art sucks" so much as "while I'm drawing I'm making stuff I'm seriously into, it's just other people are doing DIFFERENT things I turn out to be into - and give that they've been doing it for quite some time they have a technical polish which is daunting."
"it's the little differences. you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese on Thra?"
"they don't call it a quarter pounder with cheese?"
"no man it's another place, another time in an age of wonder, they don't know what the fuck a quarter pound is."
#drawing last night, trying to pull on Johan Egerkrans and Bill Berry (visual artist not drummer) for inspiration.
There’s the food trucks parked in Reseda
There’s a freeway runnin’ through the yard
Now I’m a bad boy cause I won’t eat her cooking
Cause of dairy and it gives me the farts
Yes I’m free, free fallin’!
mh, journaling
so I want to avoid making my pessimism a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is very easy while feeling trapped, stuck and treading water; coming from a background of catastrophising; influenced by how all it takes is some malicious intent to make everything harmful feel actively malicious (remember, some of the governments' actions are intentionally malicious); and sabotaged by ADHD/CPTSD inability to think of a future.
In other words I'm living through the sort of very frequent low level negatives which are what kept me in a cycle of self-hate and despair for decades, so even though I know my perception slants a lot more negative than actual (and potentially negative!) reality, this is VERY seductive for me - very hard not to buy into, totally.
“ the New Age of customer service is AI first”
No, it isn’t. I’ve worked with AI just enough to know that invariably it’ll fuck up, and some actual person who is not getting paid enough will now be stuck dealing with a customer, who is now more frustrated because the first layer of stuff they went through didn’t work as advertised.
Lots of random gunk, but some drawings and cooking talk too. Obsesses about DnD and related topics. Left-leaning/profoundly frustrated politics. Black lives matter; trans rights are human rights.
Occasionally NSFW art and discussion, please do follow if you're 18+.