Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

currently inspired to relisten to the Korngold music for the Errol Flynn version. When you think about it, Robin saving a family from a concentration camp is in character, even if it doesn't play out in the classical fashion.

also as regards Korngold, I feel that if there *is* a Global Jewish Conspiracy, it is, ironically, about popularizing the works of Richard Wagner.

#drawing I worked on last night

turns out being trained that I have to prove my worth and, the convenience of using me but inconvenience of actually really doing anything in return, means I never get to feel I've successfully proven myself worthy, stacks badly with aging and feeling I fail to accomplish either the societal valued stuff (which, again, they were never going to actually reward me - this is largely about assumption rather than maliciousness) or what I actually wanted to do because I was too busy trying to survive... which fits into the trauma messages about being stuck, trapped and treading water.

Lucky for me, I know that existential worries at 4 AM thanks to broken sleep are about as helpful and valid as existential worries at 1 PM thanks to running low on energy.

#drawings worked on last night

My cynical take is that a capitalist is someone who believes in big government for everyone else, and a communist is someone you wouldn’t trust to scrub sinks and do dishes if you lived in the same house.

Animal styled multiple breasts on anthros where the top pair are like human c cups but they steadily decrease in size so that there’s actually like 20 breasts of which the smallest viable are like 1 mm goosebumps on the character’s labia

#drawing tonight, CW for mild monster nudity. Figured it’d be cheerful to post *something*.

I am still feeling *really* angry - that really caught me off balance and stomped on sore nerves with lawn cleats - but trying to wobble back to emotional normal.

Something I just read reminded me of how lucky I was to have furry fandom. Y'think of all the ways a traumatized neurodiverse 20something can fuck themselves up, wasting time online and serial long distance crushes are pretty okay tbh.

"'Labubu,' is that like 'La Blue Girl' but for 2025?"

#drawings last night

Luke Skywalker was just a teen who dreamed of better things, on the remote planet of Tattoine. But that was before he manifested his spectacular desert spider powers! When the Empire executed his kindly Uncle Owen, he learned that with great power comes great responsibility!

*cue Danny Elfman*

https://newrepublic.com/post/197167/republicans-remove-sale-public-lands-budget-bill

the part of Return of the Jedi when Luke, wracked by the Emperor's force lightning, cries out in anguish "Father! FATHER! YOG-SOTHOTH!"

fucking with 40K YouTubers by responding to "which Chapter should I do a lore video about/paint this Terminator as/etc" by completely making up shit.

"He'd look awesome in Imperial Kneecaps purple and gray!"
"Can you do a video about the second founding Uranian Hounds?"
etc etc etc

Gormenghast x Dark Crystal fanfic

is this anything other than Very British?

#drawings from Sunday, trying to remember I feel lots of things besides angry.

Saturday’s #drawing

Uranium enrichment is when they hide little bits of uranium around the enclosure so the tigers don’t get bored.

since I'm feeling voluble;

I grew up with this idea that I HAD to be special in order to be worthwhile to myself AND to be treated by others in a way that was safe, comfortable and dignified.

My world, as a kid, was about being denied safety, comfort or dignity, so I assumed that either I'd failed to be worthwhile enough (and I was frequently told how stupid, ugly, weak, fundamentally evil, etc I was, which definitely helped jam that home) OR that the goalposts had been moved again to engineer someone ELSE being the special safe kids where I was the convenience. WHO I actually was, wasn't important because what WAS important was me doing something an adult or peer wanted.

To make this worse, I'd been in a terrible accident while very young - tread water for hours to avoid drowning, nearly lost a hand while stuck and trapped - and everything about school, about having to go right back there to be unsafe day after day after fucking day, felt like being stuck, trapped, treading water and waiting to get out of class, out of school for the summer, out of grade into high school, out of high school into college, with no promise of ever getting to actually SWIM instead.

ADHD meant I'd feel terrible just to feel involved in boring ass dreck so vital to the adults and my peers, and trying to avoid punishment for being an out of control little rage monster meant I directed pretty significant amounts of anger inwards as self hate. All of this while being underfed and maybe underslept.

And of course it got to be force of habit.

The real world is about not NEEDING to be special to be worthy (it'd be literally impossible to be special in all possible ways especially by comparison to a world full of people likely to be way better than me at any one or another thing I do, which makes the whole thing pretty academic) and certainly not about my innate worth being reflected in how safe, comfortable or acknowledged I am.

This is pretty easy to say right now while I'm in my apartment at the end of a day off with enough food readily available, without anything external "saying" how awful, unsafe or merely convenient I am. Whereas when I'm stuck in traffic, treading water at work, or trapped looking for a new job, I feel bombarded by the old messages and I just don't have enough emotional resources to resist them.

So I was thinking, riffing off someone talking about how Zoomers have it roughest, and generational stuff.

You know how GenX seems like the test group for credit scores, college loans, summer blockbusters etc despite being a pretty small generation?

What if that's b/c businesses were looking around for ways to make money during a lull when the sheer volume of kids wasn't enough? And that stacked with a big-business-above-all-else Administration that didn't want people going to college?