Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

I really need the money, and it's not a bad job even if I feel like I fuck up a lot, but I kinda want to take a day off to go be fucking broken.

oh boy, up after 2 hours of solid sleep and more bad news to greet me.

update; I technically got neither burger nor shower.

I figured that moving would help more than hot water, and walked to the burger place before changing my mind and heading up the street for Vietnamese stuff. Instead of getting garlic noodles like *that* plan, I figured I'd try their spicy, spam fried rice. As soon as I got it I realized I was ravenously hungry, which probably was part of the terrible mood.

So now I'm eating spicy spam fried rice (spicy, but needs salt) and drinking kvass.

I feel really, really low right now. I'm upset about job stuff, being stuck in the Bay Area, being poor, politics, and feeling completely out of place on this one Slack.

I'm thinking of trying to shift gears by grabbing a shower, or by walking to get a burger, what do you think?

Just after all this time it’s such a short hop from “I messed up,” to all the other negatives, to “this world and especially me would be much better if I only had the courage to do the right thing and punch out.”

I made a mistake today at work, and it is correctable and easy to miss (hopefully now I know how to avoid it going forward) but, old thought patterns persist, it’s stacking with feeling really negative about my identity, and I feel like the worst garbage.

Not that this surprises me but someone running as Republican candidate for an IL seat, is legitimately a Nazi. These people, this party, wants my friends and family dead. I am very angry right now and just can’t be coherent about it.

The usual crankiness; it’s fans rioting over football (or if it’s armed right wingers), and the police can’t contain it, but the moment someone takes to the streets for any politics left of the Clintons’, and they’ll pull out all the stops, WONDER WHY THAT IS?

I did a bit of work (unsure if my current job is reasonable there; my last job was nuts and anything less has felt slow paced), figured out a minor but important art thing and now, frankly, I just want to go sleep more.

“My name is Ahmed ibn Fadlan, ibn Hamid, ibn Rashid. And things were not always thus.”

... seriously need to actually buy myself that movie. It’s a buddy roadtrip film with a dungeon crawl!

Extremely hot take re Star Wars;

At this point it’s not ridiculously magical for me, though I like it. I’m sure part of it is I haven’t been a small child for a while now, but I feel like the franchise is like the movie equivalent to Thanksgiving. Yeah it’s fun, and it’s nice to have it roll in annually, but it’s not like I’m bouncing on my bed going OH YEAH THANKSGIVING ITS GONNA BE THE BEST EVER!

So I hit some emotionally big stuff. I’m okay, but the last week hasn’t been great on sleep, and even though i slept for most of 9 hours, I’m still running tired.

It always feels weird going to sleep early, and the end of any weekend is sad, but I'm REALLY DRAGGING, and some stuff this weekend was really good.

G'night Masto. Hopefully I'll manage to sleep the entire night through.

(later, in the track, there's the inevitable Terrence McKenna quote before the beat drops)

to the tune of 867-53o9 Jenny;

JENNY I NEED SOME ACID
I WANNA BLOW MY MIND
JENNY LET'S DROP SOME ACID
LYSERGIC ACID DIETHYLAMIIIIIIDE

I wish that I was Jessie's girl
How can I be a woman like that?
#filk

also the speakers here are playing Lady Gaga, so that's good I guess.

Can't read my, can't read my,
no he can't read my hadrosaur
(prehistoric birdhipped reptile)

Thrashing away, trying to draw what's obviously the same face changing expressions. I am NOT doing this very well, though I've spotted some things to keep in mind while drawing.

I am trying to tell myself "this is a necessary step towards getting it right" rather than say, "oh god you're a completely inept hack and you'll never get anywhere."

Just really wishing I lived in a studio apartment or split a bigger place with housemates, so I wouldn't be right next to the kitchen.

Toastmaster, toastmaster make me some toast. 🎶​