Cabinet Derg @Motodrachen@awoo.space

Tiny brain: Horny for randos

Expanded brain: Horny for your friends

Galaxy brain: Horny for your housemates.

Growing up a hippie just means that when you come out to your mom as androgynous/genderfluid, she acts like I'm silly for being embarrassed, there's lots of historical examples of people living like this.

Like... Mom, I Know. Our homeschool curriculum was intersectional AF, and You were the one who said I was in the first place. XD

Makes it kinda hard to help others with parental acceptance. My godfather was polyamorous as hell, so That was always accepted by my folks...

TFW you share Heinlein's fetish for polyamorous matriarchal family structures and individual liberty.

This is referred to in racing and competition circles as Homologation. You can have an engine built from performance parts Alone, IF

all those parts could theoretically be fitted to a mostly stock engine of a single specific class.

So, my wife and I have conjured a way out of the Ship of Theseus Paradox.

Replace every part as they wear with Performance parts.

The Speedboat of Theseus solution.

And it's hard for me to feel balance right now.

Everybody Likes her better, she can just go up to people and talk to them. She's garbage at doing Trig or holding an entire engine in our head, but...

The crowd I hang with to talk about my Male stuff with online has gotten really Toxic. And that's been the major reason I just don't feel like a Man at all.

I like the same things they do, but I'm not at all like them.

Because she's not dysphoric or shy or awkward like I am.

I'll spend a day as Her and go to yell at the contractors for binding the blade on their unsafe table saw doing something Seriously dangerous... And realize I'm actually Bitching them out in a skirt and purple shirt, hair down, and confusing the Crap out of them because I'm not Actually a girl.

I'm just broadcasting it so hard naturally that they can't properly process it.

Okay, so... My issue is that sometimes I'm a girl.
and I don't mean dysphoria, though I've got that too.

My vocal tone, cadence, tonal emphasis, and body language all go Girl. My mental state shifts so far that I can end up in a completely different personality, with a different voice, different thoughts, reactions, inclinations and even Sexuality.

It's been a challenge because most of y'all would kill for what has been a chronic mental illness for me for more than a decade.

Final step: Repeat steps 2 through 5 till you're dead.
The only things that don't grow and change are Dead.

Make yours a life that leaves life in it's wake, the way a forests's trees give rise to mushrooms and lichen even as their times pass and they fall.
Because that way you'll still have a forest with healthy new growth no matter how many crowns and logs come crashing down.

Fourth step: Identify your fuckups, apologize accurately, and explain that you're still working on yourself and your boundaries. Because you're allowed to be a shitty garbage trash person ~as long as you're honestly and openly trying to improve~.

Fifth step: Improve. Identify why you failed, what went wrong, and how you can do better in the future. Make sure your thinking and behavior patterns start to follow the corrected path. Keep a dispassionate eye on what you're thinking and feeling.

So, first step! Identify when you're feeling hamstrung mentally by abuse you survived when you were little.

Second step: if you're feeling awkward being open or affectionate because of the above, examine it.
Dissect it. Once you understand your automatic reactions, you can start to edit them.

Third step: Fuck up. And I mean a Lot. If you're on the autism spectrum, this part's gonna hurt like hell. Try and find other folks who'll understand that you're still on the third step.

Hey, uh, PSA.
Now I know a lotta you reading this were raised with the expectation that you were gonna grow up to be a Man, and it didn't pan out correctly.

And that's Fine, you're in good company. But what you probably didn't get was an education in the language of affection, and you Desperately want to feel comfortable and secure expressing affection.

This is rough, because Boys are punished for showing their affection freely, and it becomes an internalized psychosis.

So, I've had an ulcer and probably colitis for around two years now. Today is a bad day and I'm hurting so bad I can't really do my job.

The emotional trauma from this sickness has forced me to focus and develop myself far beyond what I would have without, but it's left me taking refuge in a person who isn't the one who's operated the meatsuit for more than a decade.

And whenever the pain comes back, I start to slip into Her headspace. It's scary.

I hope all of you realize I am absolutely harnessing the tremendous amounts of raw thirst on this site to work an Armageddon scale spell.

The GOP won't know what the fuck hit it.

*Flirts with wife* You know, your hair is looking Beautiful tonight~
@budgiebin@snouts.online : "Yeah, I know."

It's impossible to "Good Girl" someone when they are The Best Girl, and know it.

So grumpy today.
Slept badly and ate stuff that was bad for me all weekend.

I just wanna sleep. ;_; seasonal affective is kicking my ass already