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Also really weird when only one or two sectors of your brain are sleep deprived because the system that lives in that part has been on a tear for a week, Even while the rest of us are trying to Sleep

Another one of those mornings where I feel like ten days went by in my dreams and there's a restless spirit caged up in here with me.

Oh wait, the girls are still asleep. *Groans* I cannot Describe the sensation of being Awake, Alone, and yet being able to feel some of the thoughts and emotions of the other two while they're Dreaming.

Today's gender is distractibility and the smell of fire.

We are pleased to announce that Dragons are still incredibly brilliant and amazing. Please provide food and kind words to your nearest dragon.

Thank you for your time.

The more I do work that tends the land, the more connected I feel to the goddess.
This conflicts somewhat with what happens to my Body.
I get filled with cravings, urges, my muscles bulge and I Need to be out there, up to my elbows in dirt.

So spiritually, my reward for service is to be denied.

When you legit get so horny for so long you can't think properly

Just thought of this exchange.

"See, where I'm from, I'm still considered masculine."
"But you have D-cups, a nice ample butt and a very soft face!"
(Beat)
"Ooohhhhhhhh."

it's way easier to feel secure dressing the way you want in public when you're doing it for You... And if anyone takes exception in a violent way, it's way easier to feel secure in defending yourself when you've been shoveling Mulch for more than a month.

Especially if there's a Stick nearby.

Akira, Meditations on Moloch, Existential Terror, No Seriously, this is kind've a bad trip and a recurring nightmare of mine. Read at your own risk. :/ 

Honestly though, this movie really does get at the heart of a lot of things that have been worrying me. If you're not up to date, these are the sources you may need to read, or skim, to really get what I'm going on about here:

slatestarcodex.com/2014/07/30/
slatestarcodex.com/2018/02/19/

Like, All of our problems now stem, not from the lack of power, but from our poor use of it. We could solve all of our problems if we chose to. We could feed everyone on earth, we could end all wars, we could clean the oceans and cool the earth. It would be easy, if we chose to. We don't lack for power, we just squander it.

And I'm worried that maybe this is no accident. Maybe that's simply the nature of life. To grow without thought to the consequences, to consume all available resources, to turn to infighting, waste, and cancer. That the true nature of life is hunger and violence, and everything else is just window dressing and foolish dreams.

"What if an amoeba had ultimate power?" They mention at one point. What would it do with it? Would it make something beautiful? Or would it simply consume all in it's path? I dunno. But, the orthogonality thesis holds that intelligence and goals are unrelated. That there is no reason that that ultimate amoeba would see anything beautiful. That it would, in fact, merely consume all.

And I'm worried that they might be right. That there will be no day when our efforts pay off, no day when the horrors cease. That all our wonders built so far will turn to horrors and dust.

To go on, people talk about the decline of American manufacturing? That's a lie. There's been no decline in American manufacturing. We make more stuff now than ever before, and if you look at the graph, it's a steady upwards line. The only thing that's declined have been manufacturing jobs, and those were automated. Factories that used to employ thousands now employ less than a hundred. The areas that used to rely on those jobs? Well, that's ground zero for the opioid epidemic.

Isn't that horrible? Bold new technology, hope for the future, and it's killing people. The Horn of Plenty, spilling out garbage, ruin, and death.

And I'm not sure this can be changed. As Scott said in meditations, "The reasons Nature is red and tooth and claw are the same reasons the market is ruthless and exploitative." Or, more simply - patterns that are more capable of enduring, of propagating themselves, expand. Whether these patterns are the genes that form influenza, or the policies that drive colonialism, or the memes that drive capitalism, the outcome is the same. And if that pattern means unemployment and despair, if it means a "blizzard of prescriptions", if it means garbage and concrete, hunger and deprivation before the horn of plenty - then that's how it will be.

The hope of course, as in Akira, is that we will survive and rebuild, and that one day we will learn to control our power, learn to control ourselves, and solve all things. Or, at the very least, that things will go on.

But I'm worried that that's too optimistic? That ultimately, the world will be reduced to an endless expanse of machines, building machines, building machines, a pattern growing and expanding in all directions having forgotten why it was born, universal cancer, mechanisms in the image of hunger and violence having forgotten even the substance of these things.

And, yeah, I know this sounds like kind of a ridiculous worry, but... If you told a caveman of our world, it's ridiculous powers and how foolishly we waste them, wouldn't they laugh? Farms, factories, missiles, nukes? Homnelessness and poverty? Landfills and concrete? What a ridiculous fantasy. How could that ever come real? The earth is vast and green, you fool! In the face of such power, how could you possibly waste it? If you really had such things, it would be utopia, obviously! And indeed, by all rights we should live in utopia. By all rights, we should be able to sweep aside our problems like dust, like spidwerwebs! Swoosh swoosh, out the front door, into the street! Clean it all up before supper and sit down to eat in a clean, beautiful house.

And yet, here we are. Now, yes, things are getting better, a little bit, in some places. But this has been driven by our vast increase in productive potential, more than any increase in fundamental wisdom. Indeed, if anything it's made us more foolish. Intoxicated by our success, thoughtless and overconfident. Eager to rush into war, heedless of the waste. Confident that the consequences will be somebody else's problem.

I dunno, this is just my nightmare, more than anything coherent. But it is a persistent nightmare. Ask if you want me to explain anything here in more detail, I skimmed over a lot of things that deserve full posts of their own, instead of single sentences. Might take me a while to get back to you though. XD

Humans are born to be artists, scientists, artisans, and philosophers. Children love nothing more than creative expression, learning to understand things, making things with their hands, and asking deep questions.

But society teaches us not to do these things, training us instead to be “productive”. We’re sculpted to fit into a world obsessed with jobs, money, and ownership, and we’re forced to give up the most important parts of ourselves in order to do so – our creativity, and our curiosity.

One of the thought experiments I like is 'Imagine your characters as the Bad Guys'.
Like. Consider a story where your representation would be the Bad guy.

It can tell you a lot more about yourself than you think.

Furry art, NSFW 

Feeling an awful lot like this rendition of Tohri lately.

That's it. I'm taking all the gender. I'm gonna pile it all up in a hollow mountain and sit on top of it and roast all the sideshaved knights who come and try and get one of the genders from my hoard.

A St. Andrews cross but it's a beanbag chair.

Actually pissed 'Beta Male' is a slur.
There shouldn't be any shame in being a Soft Boi, modern life is stacked up in a way where there's no real opportunity for being a 'Real Man' in a wholesome way.

Because to do it correctly, it's this whole lifestyle transition. And it Sucks. Most Def not for everybody.

Aren't any more Cowboys, Steel Workers, Craftsmen, or Farmers for a reason.
Masculinity is a minefield for a lotta folks, because feeling the healthy kind is Rare these days.

Quandry: You've spent your entire adult life in denial of masculinity, on the principle that it's almost religiously dirty, only to confront those issues directly and find you've transcended that shame and it doesn't apply to you.

Uh. Okay, self confidence restored. So how the hell am I supposed to flirt from a masculine standpoint?

Like. I don't wanna squish anyone.

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