Thoughts on a sunny day. I needed to clear my head. To think hard about why i keep slipping away from wanting to be in this world. About the source of my dysphoria, and how i can improve it.
Balance, in short, and knowing that i am always me. I always am a neptunian otter, and this human enby. I am the duality. I don’t need to go home, perhaps, because it is always right there within me. I do not need my otter body to be valid. I already, always was.

I have noticed that my best moods are ones I feel wholly liminal and calmly such.
Moods where I am not pulled so far into the orthocosm that I am thrown into a loss of my strange self and lose sight of the vivid beauty of elsewhere
Moods where I am not pulled so far into the paracosm that I am stuck in a bog of dysphoria and longing and lose sight of the wonderful beauty of the orthocosmic world.

But... moods where I breath the crisp air of orthocosm mixed with the mind's eye sight that lets me feel it against my fur. The wonderful integration and dance of duality that is being -both- a human form and an alien spirit. The moments where I can feel and see my place in it all clearly, and am not fighting with myself about what I am.
Smiling at a woman walking a dog while twitching my whiskers so they catch the sunlight.
Balance.

I am the sweet duality of selves. I am human, and I am other. Inside me I have worlds and ideals. things I would be and places I would live and do. Being one doesn't make me less of the other.
I do not need another form to be an otter. I do not need to go Home to be Neptunian.