Thoughts on a sunny day. I needed to clear my head. To think hard about why i keep slipping away from wanting to be in this world. About the source of my dysphoria, and how i can improve it.
Balance, in short, and knowing that i am always me. I always am a neptunian otter, and this human enby. I am the duality. I don’t need to go home, perhaps, because it is always right there within me. I do not need my otter body to be valid. I already, always was.

I have noticed that my best moods are ones I feel wholly liminal and calmly such.
Moods where I am not pulled so far into the orthocosm that I am thrown into a loss of my strange self and lose sight of the vivid beauty of elsewhere
Moods where I am not pulled so far into the paracosm that I am stuck in a bog of dysphoria and longing and lose sight of the wonderful beauty of the orthocosmic world.

But... moods where I breath the crisp air of orthocosm mixed with the mind's eye sight that lets me feel it against my fur. The wonderful integration and dance of duality that is being -both- a human form and an alien spirit. The moments where I can feel and see my place in it all clearly, and am not fighting with myself about what I am.
Smiling at a woman walking a dog while twitching my whiskers so they catch the sunlight.
Balance.

I am the sweet duality of selves. I am human, and I am other. Inside me I have worlds and ideals. things I would be and places I would live and do. Being one doesn't make me less of the other.
I do not need another form to be an otter. I do not need to go Home to be Neptunian.

It has all always, already been here *places a paw over vis heart and head*. My beauty and my magic isn't in just my dreams, but that my flow.. my path weaves in and out of this world and others like stitching binding it all closer together.