-> @oneironott@vulpine.club @Oneironott@awoo.space

Here I always was fooled into thinking Healing was this respawn timer ticking away until the moment I become Whole again.
But I needed time, I needed love, and I needed to find myself again. to believe in myself again.
I could -never- see it. But my lovers.. my friends.. I know you do see it. You always believed I could heal and that I deserved it, even when I couldn't see it.

I finally feel like I can see a bit of HOW I am so hard on myself, expecting to work as complete as another person when I've been shattered so. Gods it's now wonder I need.. compassion. and even when I could never see it, even when I am depressed and miserable wishing I could do more, You all have seen what I couldn't. How badly I needed security and healing and love

part of me hung on to hope. hung on to every vague possibility that I may actually be This. That I may be nonhuman and.. all that I am now. That there was the vaguest of possibilities that it could be true...
and that feeling got me through. That hope was enough of who I am and where I'm from to give me something to live for. to survive for, to push for and to HEAL for.

I've been slowly rebuilding myself since then. Slowly , I made friends, I got out, I crawled inch by inch to a place where i could breath.
And then he raped me. My ex. I was traumatized all over again.
And I started crawling again. It's no wonder it took me -so- long to even get -here-. It's a miracle i even got here -at all-. How did I ever hang on?

The only things that no one can EVER take away from you. Who I am, Where I'm from. My sense of self and sense of place. I ran from them, so that when everything else fell I didn't even have myself to confide in. That's when I became plural. That's when we shattered. Gods, that's when we shattered...

I've been trying to recover from the ashes of my trauma... who I am and where I'm from.. trying to find the things that matter to me and cling onto them.
I lost everything. I lost -so- much and had -nothing-. When I lost my friends, my family, my LIFE, I had run from the things that made me inherently me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HguRV6ONFwg
this song given my past, gods.
In light of everything I've gained...
In light of where I came from, what I survived, and to be HERE and THIS.
looking at my trauma and recover next to my identity exploration. Yeah, it's connected. of course it is, Vloe

🎶 I love mah tail gonna *thump thump thump* it onna grooounnddd 🎶

Land was a mistake

Proto-humans going on land was a mistake

I basically just imagine them eye rolling at it and going “*sigh* otters” and that makes me happy though

Long Baths are my indulgence and I apologize to all past present and future roommates because of it

Heeey my good friend from the midwest Teez is here at @teez@snouts.online 💙💙💙

@teez@snouts.online caaaat ^.^

But this is the duality. I haven’t been entirely happy with it. I have gotten so used to having to defend myself, or at least feeling the need to. I reboosted a video a bit ago talking about this and… i’ve been on the defensive since i started transitioning. Explaining and justifying and i realize it’s part of what i wanted to get away from.
I don’t want to be on the defensive. It’s miserable. I need to stop explaining myself and start -being- myself.

I have devoted a large chunk of my efforts on social media [twitter] to explaining myself, trying to walk through the steps of weird radical nonhuman living so that others might see.
And some have. I’ve gotten messages there and here and elsewhere of folks… thanking me? For changing their lives? And i even… love some of those folks as my partners and…
It’s been amazing, don’t get me wrong. I feel like i have done -good- work