-> @oneironott@vulpine.club @Oneironott@awoo.space

Planning myself loose schedule out and it feels like it's half dates so far
I think i can be assured I'm getting the Poly Seattle experience lol

A year ago I never thought I'd know beings like this, let along be one. and be traveling so far out to see them. To leave the glamour at the door and relax...
... and start to see what my life could be like in half a year or so.

What an otherworldly feeling. All of this combined. It seems like only yesterday I mingled in with such folks and started to see myself for the first time in over a decade. only yesterday that I felt my world view gradually shifting.

The closer this gets, the more surreal it feels. The furthest west I've ever gone has been barely far at all (chicago).
This past year and so have been wilder than I ever imagined possible, and here I am hiking it up there for a trip. So many things are lining up to happen during that time that it feels surreal that all of this is actually happening and so far hasn't hit any snags.

There's just this growing frustration there of like "yeah, they wouldn't go that to you and you wouldn't do that to others do you assume others wouldn't do that to me"

But like
It doesn't work the way
And you're better most people
Ugh

I am getting irritated at the number of cis people that, upon hearing that i want to move to Seattle, get this really skeptical "well it's really expensive and too many people are moving there and"

It highlights this gap of like… a lot of my cis friends here are wonderful, but don't understand what it's like to be trans in Cleveland. Many times when i end up expressing my worries (re: flying Friday for example) i get this dismissive "they/people wouldn't do that"

What do you do when you'll never look how you are on the inside?
What do you do when the dissonance keeps pushing you to forget, and to not feel it like I would feel if it were tangible.

What do you do when you look at your body and realize
that you will die like this
and there's nothing you can do.

Do I even know how to let go?
do I even know how to not be so human..?
How long have I waded in poison for me
and how much longer do I have to?

I read this comic about dysphoria that had a positive ending of like... "keep at it and you'll be who you see inside"

It honestly just made me start crying.

I really hit the existential jackpot in having my spiritual awakening and otherkin awakening all within the odd (in a good way) liminality of postfurry

After all this time i'm jusy starry-eyed at it.
I felt like i had fallen into a TF-Y fantasy dream.
And i keep learning more and opening my mind and eyes more.
Yeah, I feel altered in such an amazing, deep way, and i have postfurry to thank for it.

Surprise, I'm not actually human. And these folks aren't either. And all that you pretend can be realer than you think. There is magic in perception, and the alteration of, and the knowledge that 'that which effects us has realness'