Raspberry Foxy @Raspberryfloof@awoo.space

Argh, it feels like every melody I write is in minor and has the same chord progression x.x

I don't really think of myself having any useful occupational title, honestly...

I only call myself a programmer because I was once paid so I could write code for a while; I heavily avoid calling myself a musician because even though I have written music I couldn't explain how I did it; and goodness knows I wouldn't ever consider myself a game designer or developer until I actually finish one of these innumerable games I've started... even though I technically have, years ago...

Maybe ... I should open up to other people... and talk with people, and share ideas, and tell people how much I appreciate them, even if I don't know them very well...

I heard there were several amazing people on Awoo/in the greater Mastodon area who were making really interesting things and dabbling around with making games for old consoles...

I'm too afraid of talking with them about anything, but ... I bet it would be interesting hearing about what they've made, or what they're making...

Me: "I wonder how hard it would be to write a full game for an old console...?"

*crashes Itadaki Street 2 about five different ways by typoing just a few code bytes*

Me: "Oh..."

I wish I had some way of getting an income (kofi doesn't count because I haven't made any money from kofi in months anyway and it isn't consistent) but I don't do anything worth making a Patreon for and I am so anxious that trying for a "normal" job is very very difficult ;~;

I kind of hope I lose my randomizer tournament match tonight? because then I won't be taking up so much time or room from my roommates and can give them space (since my streaming setup stretches from the TV across the bedroom over to my computer on the other side)

But I kind of don't really want to lose? because I don't like losing and have been trying very hard to do my best too?

I don't know ;~; I feel very stuck right now and don't think I'll be entirely happy with any outcome ;~;

I hate being jittery with anticipation :S

I guess there's tomorrow... but I can't see myself playing any better then...

... I guess it was probably better that I played so poorly and lost so badly? I don't feel sad about losing, just depressed and annoyed that I played badly tonight...

I'm going to lose this race so badly ;~;

Okay tournament race is happening soon!!!!

https://twitch.tv/alttprandomizer2

I should be restreamed there, we have a 7PM Pacific start time so it should be starting soon!!!

Going to stream for a little bit; practicing for my tournament race in the ALttP randomizer tournament tonight...

If anybody would like to watch, it'll be at https://twitch.tv/raspberryfloof

ugghhhhh getting nervous and scared for absolutely no reason, thinking about how I haven't said much here and how I'm super afraid of talking with people who I look up to about anything and how everything will go wrong in every possible way

I'm so afraid of doing anything that's enjoyable but empty, like playing games or reading or working on that translation hack or basically anything that couldn't translate into a job or money somehow...

I'm constantly worried that something will happen and I and/or my roommates will lose our housing and have nothing left to fall back on... even if it isn't necessarily rational thinking...

Well, I wasted all month practicing for and playing in the A Link to the Past Randomizer tournament that's been going on, and while it's been really fun so far, I can't help but feel I should have been spending my time doing anything else productive instead...

I found the IS2 tutorial text pointers today, finally. I think that's all the text pointers in the game found, so I can start moving and rewriting it without worrying about what is and isn't used or not knowing what references what anymore ^.^