CW: Genitals, transphobia
I once had a (former) friend tell me that he thought having a dick was what determined if you were a guy or not.
"I know plenty of girls with dicks," I pointed out.
"Oh, sure, a girl can have a dick. But it's *having one* that determines if you're a guy. You can't have a vagina and be a guy."
And intellectually I know he's wrong but sometimes I get inside my own head and think this way, and it makes me feel like I can't ever be a guy without one.
CW: Genitals, transphobia
@Sparrow
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CW: Genitals, transphobia
@Sparrow
sorry the confusion at that oddly specific shittiness kinda crashed me
that sucks
what's in your pants doesn't define you!
CW: Genitals, transphobia
Yeah, I know. Like, I *almost* would have understood if he'd been like "oh no girls can't have dicks". Because that would be an awful way of thinking, but at least one with internal logical consistency? But no, girls can have dicks (fine) and guys *must* have them. What????
But yeah, thank you for the reminder. <3
CW: Genitals, transphobia
@Sparrow
yeah that's what really confused me with that
it's not just like garden variety transphobia it's like
realllllly specific????
CW: Genitals, transphobia
Right???! It's super weird. But, he also has a lot of issues of his own. Part of them being dick-related. (He told me at some point that "he wasn't gay, but was attracted to dicks" which may explain why he's cool with them on girls??)
CW: Genitals, transphobia
@Sparrow
ooof
yeah
that's uh
there's some stuff to unpack there methinks
CW: Genitals, transphobia
YUP.
He's also the:
1) First guy I ever kissed (*reeeally underwhelming, lemme tell ya*)
2) Currently dating my first ever girlfriend
3) Someone I haven't spoken to in about 5 years, no regrets
CW: Genitals, transphobia
@Sparrow
It's totally good to not have a dick!
Dicks don't make you a guyish person!
CW: Genitals, transphobia
No, they definitely don't. I've known plenty of girls with totally girly dicks, fwiw!
But yeah. Totally possible to be a guyish person without one as well.
CW: Genitals, transphobia
@Sparrow
Sorry if guyish wasn't quite the right word
You're valid no matter your body and gender configuration!
CW: Genitals, transphobia
Thank you, I appreciate this. I'm also entertained by the way you phrased it. :P 💚
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Waaaaaa :'DD
You managed to make me feel comfy and validated and then I got to "elfbird" and felt even ~more~ valid, gosh~~
Thanks Erin~ 💙 You're a good :3
CW: Genitals, transphobia
@Sparrow not having a dick is 100% good, and some of my fav ppl in this universe are smoking hot without one imho (and i don’t rlly make friends with cis ppl)
CW: Genitals, transphobia
CW: Genitals, transphobia
@Sparrow you get to be a guy even if you feel you are only 2/3 a guy even if you don't have the junk for it
People do not get to define you, you get to own that. It's 2018 and societal gender norms are only used as a societal tool of oppression imo
CW: Genitals, transphobia
@Sparrow I a couple of folks who didn't feel comfortable identifying with masculine pronouns _until_ they didn't have a dick.
You are valid, your genitals don't define you (unless you want them to). ♥️
CW: Genitals, transphobia
CW: Genitals, transphobia
trans girls sometimes worry this too... it's sometimes difficult to feel validated in our own identity.
I know guys who don't have dicks and I promise you it's not what defines being a guy.
Now I'm curious if you have another name in mind for yourself. I think I recall you saying one but not certain.
CW: Genitals, transphobia
*Nods* I believe you.
Sometimes I think I should make a few more trans masc friends just so I have people to commiserate with about this & remind me about how guyish someone with my approximate genital configuration can be.
Sparrow is still good. I'm flirting with the idea of plurality (Toby/Danika seem to be my main fronts, with Spencer as my "where all the sex and violence I couldn't let myself feel went")
CW: Genitals, transphobia
You're welcome to come join ##transspace on freenode IRC. Dante lives here in Austin and has a decent perspective
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That might be good!
I've liked every Dante I've ever met, fwiw.
I don't have IRC and never used it much when I did, but *shrug* maybe I'll reinstall one of these days.
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I tend to like it because you can jump into extended conversations or make your own or just throw a quip out.
So much less busy because all text.
CW: Genitals, transphobia
Anyway, will someone please remind me that it's okay to be a person who doesn't have a dick? And that I'm still possibly attractive without one?
I'm not 100% guy (I consider myself to be 2/3 male, 1/3 female) but even so.