Jakebe T. Drake-Lope @jakebe@awoo.space

Today, this song is going on infinite loop for a while: A Perfect Circle's "So Long and Thanks For All The Fish": https://youtu.be/UkHSmDxX1t4 via @YouTube@twitter.com

"Another Day of Sun" from the La La Land soundtrack is stuck in my head, and one of the reasons I love it so much is the sense of weariness and cynicism that lurks beneath the infectious sunniness of the arrangement. What's more, there's a sense of optimism that forms the beating heart of the song. It's like this weird sandwich where the bread is sweet and the filling is spicy and bitter.

So I've decided to take a two-week t-break, because...well, I rely way too much on pot to handle my anxiety. It's really one of the only things that can remove it completely, and when you're in an elevated state of worry ALL THE TIME any relief you get is...addictive.

But it also makes it a lot harder for me to actually get stuff done. Writing tends to stall, so I never get ahead on projects or start new ones, and the various ways I try to stay organized and productive end up slipping. Besides, it's just bad practice to seek out altered states that take you away from the present moment this much.

What the break is doing is forcing me to confront a lot of the uncomfortable parts of my life that I was numbing myself against and finding a way to make better peace with them. It's more difficult, but it's absolutely worth doing. What sucks is the insomnia.

Had my worst bout of it last night and ended up getting maybe four hours of sleep. Today I'm slow and distracted, but also I accept that. ;) I just wish I had remembered to take melatonin to combat that. I do think that I might have some level of psychological addiction to pot, which sucks because I love using it. But I also know that I have trouble moderating myself with the things that I fall hard with, and I worry that the only way to have a healthy relationship to pot is to not have a relationship at all.

This is day 5. The cravings are weaker, at least, so that's good. But the weekend will be a real test.

What I Learned This Month (January 2019) https://jakebe.com/2019/01/30/what-i-learned-this-month-january-2019/

From the Writing Desk of Jakebe T. Rabbit: Depressional Confessional

https://jakebe.com/2019/01/16/depressional-confessional/

Happy New Year everyone!! Habari gani? Today is the final day of Kwanzaa, where we focus on Imani (or Faith). Today I recommend honoring the things we believe in -- whether they're dieties, values, our communities, our struggle. Faith is important for us, no matter the form.

Habari gani, party people? On the 5th day of Kwanzaa, the principle is Nia (or Purpose). Today we reaffirm the reason we've given ourselves to exist and take stock to make sure our decisions align with our purpose. If they don't, how can we change them? How could we be better?

Habari gani all? Today is the 4th day of Kwanzaa, where we attend to Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics). It's fascinating on both the interpersonal and macro-economic level; here's a Wikipedia article on Tanzania using it after independence: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ujamaa

But for us, it means supporting the members of our communities and encouraging others to build, maintain, and profit from their businesses and shops. Investing in our community helps build institutions ourselves, from the ground up.

Habari gani, fam? It's day 3 of Kwanzaa, and today's principle is Ujima -- or Collective Work and Responsibility. The problems of our brothers and sisters are OUR problems, and we must share in the work to make a better life for *everyone* in our community.

Habari gani, furries? :) Today is the 2nd day of Kwanzaa! SOLID!!
We focus on kujichagulia, or self-determination, today. Naming ourselves, defining our values, creating and speaking for ourselves is a powerful act all too often denied us. We are who we say we are.

Habari gani, y'all? Today is the first day of Kwanzaa!! We focus on Umoja, or Unity, today -- how can we strive for and maintain unity in our homes, communities, and the world at large? What are we doing to unite our fellow denizens of the planet?

It feels right to end the day with a customer email telling me "Please do the world a favor and don't breed. For the sake of humanity, let your lineage die out with you." It really has been that kind of day.

I know I'll do my part, but the fact remains that the well-being, opportunities, and lives of my tribe and other minorities depend on enough people doing the right thing tomorrow. And after Bush in '04 and now 45 in '16, I no longer trust that this will happen. I just don't know how to prepare for a Blue Crash. I really hope I don't have to.

Tomorrow is Election Day here in the United States, and I am not ready for it. It's not hyperbole to say tomorrow determines whether we pause the tide of white nationalism and fascism in our country, or whether things will get a lot worse over the next two years. If the GOP keeps the Senate but loses the House, it's something -- but almost more important are the state legislative and governorships up for the people's decisions. I am scared. I really don't want to be, but I am.

Good morning, Mastonauts. :) Boy howdy it's been a week *already*, but here we are smack dab in the middle of it. What do you still need to do in order to make this week awesome? What can you do today??

For me, the watchword is 'focus'. I'm juggling a lot of eggs, and it's going to take focus and hard work to make sure I don't break any. But I *will* be doing what I can to prep my Pathfinder game on the sly at work, when there are a few moments. >.>

Happy Wednesday! ;)