Jakebe T. Drake-Lope @jakebe@awoo.space

On top of that...*gestures at the socio-political climate of the US*

I'm basting in a soup of anti-expertise rhetoric, naked racism, public sophistry, all while the clock is winding down on fixing our environment before it collapses all around us. It's been really hard to motivate myself for a future that feels as bleak as it does. I really don't know what to do; I don't think things will get better, and I know I can't control that, but...trying to do anything gets harder & harder

Looking back on things, it's easy to see why. My sister died suddenly and my family situation has been a dumpster fire since then. My mother needs a lot of help -- more than I can give -- but she is also unwilling to do anything she doesn't want to do even when she needs to. I think she's being taken advantage of by someone caring for her, but she has nowhere else to go. And my job is just...really not fun. The culture has tanked, and hard work is not rewarded.

Just to be up front, I've been diagnosed with chronic depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and ADHD. Mental illness runs in my family -- Mom was a paranoid schizophrenic, and pretty much all of my biological siblings have disorders of some sort. I've been incredibly lucky in that I'm in a place with good mental health care and a great support network. But damn, this fucking year has upended me something fierce. I've been short at work, withdrawn at home, unfocused, unhappy.

So I think it's time to admit that I'm in a minor depression. I tried saying it to myself on the drive in this morning, and everything clicked into place.

It's weird, but it felt like a switch got flipped; there was an instant understanding and my brain immediately went into "coping" mode. I know why I haven't been interested in talking to people, my anxiety has felt a lot worse, why I'm so tired all the time.

Writing an email to my doctor today to get back into therapy.

New edition of the Marshmallow Ranch Gazette up for patrons! General audiences can see it in three days!
patreon.com/posts/14920213

Hey folks, in case you didn't know -- I have a blog! Where I talk about writing and stories and what they mean to me personally! Here's my latest, "A Future With Me In It".

https://jakebe.com/2017/10/16/writing-a-future-with-me-in-it/

If someone could only form a first impression of you by reading five novels, what would they be?

So part of this work is developing defenses against distractions, both external and self-inflicted. Meditation certainly helps me catch when I'm being distracted or getting into a mindless rut, but I've also gotten better at recognizing when I'm at a decision point that I could use to build better habits. That's been interesting, and fun. :)

Now that I've settled from my GRAND EUROPEAN TOUR and my wisdom tooth extraction, I've been trying to settle into better habits. Ultimately, I would like to drill down and focus on the things that are most important to me -- meditation, community engagement, writing and reading.

One thing I've noticed, even from two weeks in Europe -- we are *constantly* being assaulted for our attention. Ads are trying to sell us shit all the time; there's always something to be scared or angry about.

No lie, you guys, I listen to this song EVERY SINGLE MORNING to start my day off RIGHT:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZelQEmnkulc

Yesterday I listened to a couple more Freakonomics "Earth 2.0" podcasts -- this time centered on the optimal language situation for the planet. Most folks seemed to agree on a basic, easy-to-learn Common language combined with a limitless number of 'in-group' languages.

I also learned about Esperanto, and I'm immediately taken by the idea; I think I might sign up for the Duolingo course...once I clear off a couple of other online courses, OF COURSE. >.>

Hello folks!

In an effort to get to know each other, let me know if you have any #TMITuesday questions for me; I'll answer as I can. :)