🔶 KLCY AXIOM Prime @kelseyhusky@awoo.space

Nope. Asteroids aren't cutting it for me. Still too much undirected energy inside.

Status: BRB, destroying asteroids.

Went in for a monitoring scan today. Apparently bio-frame has lost 18 kilos in extra mass.

Doesn't look like it to me, but what do I know? I've been not liking myself in the mirror since.... oh about right after I moved to CA.

My hair feels a little thicker, but the top of my cranium is still shiny and bare. I wanna grow my sides out and do something with them, but I should've been doing that 10 years ago too.

Some days I feel like a bad millennial:

I have a mortgage.
I make enough money that I stopped really caring about trying to make more.
I'm not an activist.
I don't go to protests.

I've never been thrown in the back of a cop car. I got held by grocery store security once in my life for shoplifting. The worst I've officially done is all speeding-related.

I do use public transportation to commute, but I drive to Park n Ride instead of biking or walking.

I actively use the 6 different computers I own (all of which are in decent working condition)

I've been a stable relationship for over 10 years.

Its like I somehow managed to walk a very fine line between my baby-boomer, black middle class baptist parents, and the white suburban overachieviement culture I grew up in. I don't know how I did that, though.

I just tried to have as much fun as I could without getting in trouble.

I guess I succeeded? I didn't have to join the military to do it (though I probably would've gone in if I hadn't moved (got kicked out) to CA.

Life is weird, and i'm queer.

Love you all.

Wallet name: [Redacted]
1st OC: Ryan Steele (the XO of my LEGO spaceship squad. The CO, Jason Steele was his big brother/rival. I had this whole drama worked up. I was...8? 9? I was Young.)
First Online OC: Rachel Stark
First Furry OC: Karolina
First Furry Alt: Takato Delphi
First name shared with furry OC: Karol
Longest running name shared with OC: Kelly
Post-Trans NeoName: Kelsey

💯 🤖💎🏳️‍🌈🚀🌹⏲️❓

Waiting for updates is hard, though! (not you, @fluxom_alt, Seriously. You just started. I've got others that are still pending and I'm just super excited)

Ja’leyah-Jamar, Kansas City, Kansas.

Art is happening for me. I'm super excited for it.

As a branding/design exercise, i am constantly impressed by how consistently good the team for MarbleLeage has been year after year. The updated logos for 2020 are super awesome!

https://imgur.com/a/zVQO1By

System Defender AXIOS Online. Operation: Productivity. All in-system units, please be advised: This sector is now a Gestalt maneuvering area. Your assistance with maintaining safe proximity distance is appreciated. Thank you.

Standing down. Sleep well, dream sweetly.

I'm currently safe. But holy shit did I think really hard about stepping in front of my bus instead of trying to catch it.

I am the Cylon in the mirror. I am my own worst enemy, subverting my own defenses and countering my offenses at every turn.

Trapped inside my own head, slowly turning into orobourian torus endlessly looping to get away from the pain I'm causing myself.

Why am I so fucking broken? I don't want to hurt anymore. Why is this happening now?

I think it would probably be good if I fucked off from work for the day, though. Get some quality sobbing time just to try and clear out this emotional debt.

Don't think I'm gonna. Too much work i didn't do this whole week cause I was crying so much.

Some days I wake up and struggle to remember why I'm even trying to get out of bed.

I feel tired all the fucking time, no matter how much sleep I get.

It feels like there is shrapnel in my heart. It aches like its been there a while. Maybe it has and I just don't remember when it got there.

And it feels like its all the more noticeable cause of all these hormonal changes that are thrusting me back into one of the most turbulent, formative, and probably traumatic times in my life.

I feel raw and exposed. I have no certainty anymore. I'm frequently high, so I don't trust my own thought chains sometimes, and when I can remember them, they are of thoughts that are not particularly happy, or even sane.

Its hard to trust myself when I know JUST how badly I can screw everything up, even without meaning to.

And every time I try to get some active sensors on this knot of thoughts, like right now, trying to type this all out:

All I can identify is pain. Great, steaming, world-ending arsenals of pain, aimed at myself, with the abort console booby trapped and labeled "You will only end up hurting yourself if you even try to touch this. You have long since removed any hope of restoring yourself and you just have to live with this timebomb of self-destruction that could go off at any time. And if it doesn't, have fun getting old and dying."

I have really shitty handwriting.

And I'm not kind to myself.

Cause...because I still don't know that I deserve it. And despite all my friends and loved ones telling me I do. The Engine just brings up the long ago-solved proof, explaining exactly why in excruciatingly High-Def detail..

Shut up, Kelsey. get back to work. you've fucked around all week.

My mom keeps sending my boxes full of my old stuff. It makes me tired, trying to remember my life around some of the artifacts I've received.

I've thrown away a lot of it. It's just not really relevant to my life anymore, and I'm never going to be famous or important, so its not like kiddie crap will be valuable to anyone.

I took so many fucking selfies, its not even funny. And this is before we had cell phone cameras. I had to get developed from the lab

According to @mawr I was hot?

Come down to Gateway Station if you want to loose your slammers to the coolest kid in the galaxy