🔶 KLCY AXIOM Prime @kelseyhusky@awoo.space

There is a very tight tension in my head between not wanting to be forgotten, and not wanting to be seen as annoyingly intrusive when asking to be included. Cause if I'm too annoying, disruptive, or obnoxious, I'll get purposefully left out.

That's what my brain is convinced of, because I was programmed to know that calling attention to yourself wasn't good, and often times was physically and emotionally dangerous/risky.

Stupid brain. Your friends actually do like you. Why can't you just believe that?

I'm having a really good time playing Astral Chain!

At a house. Might've been a party, might've been an orgy. Details lost after ending recharge cycle.

Important bit: Dude had pulled me into his lap, really seemed like he wanted me to be there. Then he proceeded to tell me I had no idea what to do with masculinity, and that is why I was failing as a black woman.

I REALLY did not need to hear that. i doubt myself enough as it is.

Good morning, City

@orrery @mawr Also, wanted to thank @ElectricKeet for riding shotgun with us through this look back through film series evolution. I shouldn' have left them off the list, cause they suffered though it too!

I started watching the Mission Impossible series with @orrery and @mawr . We just finished Mission Impossible 2 last night.

Holy shit. I have changed so much since I first saw that movie.

First of, it is one of the better examples of how Woo a John Woo Film can be: Dropped frames slo-motion, over the top, beautifully choreographed gunplay and melee combat.

The things I noticed the most this time through is how scenes are structured. A scene will start with no background music, and just be dialogue and exposition, and the background will slowly fade in and get louder and more intense as the scene builds up and up in tension and stakes until finally...

Woo makes a character drop a one-liner just after everything cuts out.

Its like Cinematic Dubstep.

John also rarely includes anything that isn't going to be seen by the audience later on. Orrery noticed this too, and was able to make pretty accurate predictions, though the details were slightly different (obviously to me, since I had seen the movie before)

The character Billy eventually evolves into the character Benji (He shows up first in M:I-3

Hugh Stamp plays the jealous new boyfriend perfectly, though his partner, main villian Sean Ambrose is a total Red-Piller asshole. I don't like him and found him really hard to watch everytime he was on screen.

John Woo liked playing with showing off just how alike Sean and Ethan are, especially when showing off how Sean is perfectly scrying Ethan's "acrobatic insanity" breaking into the bio-tech lab in the most smug, superior, self-satisfied, Andrew Ryan bragging voice. The effect was most like an entitled trust funt college freshman just out of his phillosophy 1 class declaring just how smart he is and laughing at the stupid sheeple.

Take A Look Around (The Limp Bizkit cover of the MI theme) is still a banging track, and made even better when you listen to the instrumental version. (It was the late 90s. They were popular for a reason. Accept it. We did it to ourselves..)

Everyone in the Mission Impossible movies is a GODDAMNED super spy wizard. Spy gadgets and tech is treated like fucking magic. Magic with rules, but magic nonetheless. And the Veil musn't be breached. Which is why Ethan fights so hard for 0-alert runs. Ethan plays Spy on Ultra-Hard. He admonishes a teammate for attempting a guard-kill (*hisses* "Zero body count") He goes out of his way to disable mooks in technically possible survivable ways, which has to be good enough for him, since he's too busy running to save the world.

Ethan solves emotional problems and upset like me. He shouldn't, cause my approach never actually works, but I see him trying and it just breaks my heart to know there are TWO well-meaning idots trying their best and failing to accomplish their goals without causing a lot of unintentional collateral damage.

I have had problems focusing and being productive at work all week. I got a temporary transfer to a new team, and I was actually excited when I started because I actually got to touch a chassis and put my fingers inside a computer professionally (it's been over a year)

But this week, for whatever reason, I clock in and I just can't make myself do my job.

I'm thinking about too many other things that are way more important to me.

Transition, my friends, projects, art, bass lines, stories, the Destiny Crusade game, how great boobs are, Project Kyna (me and @mawr 's bus/house conversion project), How Huskybots /actually/ look and how hard it would be to teach myself 3d modeling so I don't have to feel blocked when I try to show/tell about them.

But no, I'm stuck here. an hour away from my Station, my plush, my friends.

Clocked into my job that I can't even seem to feel is important enough to do what i'm being paid to do.

My thinning hair still makes me dysphoric as fuck, I'm even more conscious about my weight than I was 2 years ago, and my voice makes me cringe no matter what I do to it.

But my skin is softer, my boobs are growing, and I think my face is changing enough that I could think I saw a difference in the mirror while I was brushing my teeth.

So yeah. I'm keeping this up.

I have a very had time telling which artists are actually open and will do the things I want.

I think it would be useful to have a site where artists can set their different content tags, list prices and post examples, post stream schedules, list contact information, and their availability status, and have all that information be easily searchable and filterable.

Huh. Sounds like a project I could try and build.

I'm in an out of my chair a lot at work, and since I'm not used to my body operating out of spec, everytime I stand up, I do it too quickly, and the blood pressure change (thanks Spiro) sends my mind into the Shadow Realm. Its a lot of effort not falling over immediately after I get to my feet.

Stuck in a training meeting

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Had a dream about visiting my parents. I don't remember much, but I remember my dad saying that I might still be presentable to the rest of the family.

And I think he was joking, like he usually does. it didn't feel mean or bigoted. It was just my dad being his old sarcastic self.

And it was nice to feel like that wouldn't change.

Figured this would be of interest to some people following me: https://www.engadget.com/2019/08/24/bioprint-living-tissue-in-seconds/

https://youtu.be/d1GMAk07av0

I would like to not be me anymore. Can I hand off my life to someone better?

Here's a wacky idea: make CMOS recharge the battery while a the computer has power.

​ *morphball* [sad beep-raows]