The Technicolor Out Of Space @neonNeptunian@awoo.space

Hey, you.

It's the weekend. I hope you can find some time to relax, to find happiness. To rest. To remember you are loved. 💜

All of you are such wonderful folk. It's nice to see you all talking on here. 💜

A favor, if you would--

take a moment sometime today and give yourself a hug.

If you need a reason, because I'd like to give you one.

A comment made by an aunt a few days back still rings in my mind: 'sometimes we need to be okay with letting go'.

it feels like this year has been so much letting go. erosion. making do with less. how much more will be enough?

more waiting. just...waiting.
i have food and shelter and safety- there's that at least.

Still no date set on transplant. New medications for sibling to try, requiring a few days of hospital stay just in case. More waiting.

I don't know when this will end.
And even if/when it does, it feels like there'll be just...more hurt awaiting. Any thoughts of making plans in my head get cut off by screaming of the more likely scenario of their failure.

Five of Cups, but there's no bridge, no way past; the horizon is blotted out.

odds of BM happening at 15%.

I also feel necessary to follow this up by saying thank you to friends who have already been reaching out. There's a lot of you.

Thank you, all of you, for caring, even if it doesn't really break the grey sometimes.

I'm sorry I struggle with it so much. I'm trying.

Home in Virginia.

Spent the weekend down in Williamsburg for a cousin's wedding, and to clean up my late grandfather's apartment some. (The former was Heavily Christian, which just...me and their God have some issues.)

Tbh, kind of just here. For a while. Not much to do, and anhedonia kind of smearing my mindscape. Still no idea of when the transplant will be.

kind of just on ⏸ until then.

@indi CASE IN HECKING POINT THE INDI RULZ OK NOTE ON MY DOOR

(aaaaaaaaa)

important update:

finished playing Night in the Woods with @indi last night and HOLY FUCK MILLENIAL FEELINGS

but more importantly said Indi is in fact actually the Gregg to my Angus and that's super good?

I hope your world treats you kindly this evening, dear lights. <3

pro tip: eat a food.

hey you! i'm glad you're out there
being strange and wonderful
being you, in whatever shape you are.

A toast to you, o friend-
May you find rest and warmth. 💜

m'up.

i...Thank you. Everyone. All of you. For kind word and hug given. I've been a bit rickety over everything, and yesterday starting the two-week countdown clock sent my mind into some screaming.

Your words do help. They help a lot.
You help a lot. Thank you all, each and every one of you.

Thanks. <3

i simply hope your day treats you kindly.

i'm sorry if it hasn't. i wish i could make the hurt stop.

And I should sleep, I guess. Good night.

So, an update.
-Grandfather passed ~3wks ago. Had to go back to VA last weekend for service.
-Biological brother has cancer, known since january.
-Wound up as designated donor of bone marrow
-will have to head back to VA around 7/1 for an unknown amount of time; at least a month

i'm scared that i don't know when i will be back, or..if there will be anything to come back to.

i'm scared what little plans i had left for the summer will be cratered

im scared.

Oh. Yeah, I should give an update of stuff.

I hope wherever you are,

that the world treats you with kindness, love, care, and wonder--

all the precious things you deserve.

Hey. I'm still around.
Started a new job, Week 2 starts tonight.

I'm working graveyard shift, so, that's a thing.

As a result,
I probably won't be here much.
But if you need someone to ping at, please feel free to.

For all the technologically savvy coolkids, I give these sweet cyberpunk visors because aaaaaaaaa

and by that I mean @indi and @emanate

because <3

https://www.etsy.com/shop/illumicyberwear