diet dr. nasty @pinkplasticwineglass@awoo.space

im totally exhausted from being stressed out by my living situation at all times. im still really depressed my meds just keep me from being suicidal 24/7 so i think i need. more of that. ssri right into my body. and doing art re-energizes me and is how i "express myself" so i need to have that back really soon

@dragon i know that you have behaved in ways that you regret but that does not preclude you still being an acceptable person

@dragon i know this will feel flat but i have always found you to be a very inoffensive presence + charming, and fun now that we have an interest in common lol

thank you for your support..............

idk. i think that i need to go grab a 1 room with my friend in ottawa and forget about this shit for a while. see a trauma specialist

@hungeeboy but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im "smart" so i would be wasting my brain :( (who cares)

@hungeeboy that sounds way better than what i have going on + i have multiple ppl who are willing to room with me. i have options

@hungeeboy ive been saying this for years to them but they dont have ears

@hungeeboy yeah and also for the thing i want to do i can. literally go to a trade school for it. im fine

@hungeeboy every time ive mentioned not really wanting to be doing academic shit they use the idea of poverty to threaten me and act like it would be the end of my entire life if i dont get a masters. which is unreasonable

@hungeeboy my parents dont really know about any of it because theyre shits when i tell them anything. and they were part of the problem also

@hungeeboy i think it's reasonable to say that i have a ton of stuff i havent really unpacked thats happened to me. like young kids & teens are really emotionally equipped to deal with things that happened to me properly

@hungeeboy im trying really hard to believe this... thank you. i have a lot of plans for stuff i want to be doing other than going to school.

@dragon oh its cute.... youre right

maybe i think that i'm stupid and call myself an idiot like. every day because my parents treat me like one and do not extend trust towards me very often

i need to... understand that my thoughts & feelings have legitimacy, weight beyond something that needs to be simply humored. and that dropping out & resuming education another time isn't some kind of ridiculous last resort

i also need to like. acknowledge & trust myself in that im really really hurting and a lot of it is because my parents are not very good at being parents and they will not change. im the way i am with them because of the way they have treated me, not because im a nasty brat idiot child

@dragon hm.. agree

idk. idk. idk. im btwn a rock & a hard place and i think i need to acknowledge that instead of looking for an option that doesnt exist. (that option being a way to break away from my family & current trajectory that does not hurt my relationship with my family in some way)

i have options. its not a fucking death sentence to not be in school, although it has been presented to me as. i really think it would be productive for me to take some fucking agency. with myself