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Whoops I somehow got topical lidocaine in my mouth and now my tongue is made of tingliness.

If San Francisco train operators started racing, would they call it Mario BART?

... Now thanks to that typo I'm wondering what a kobold were-creature would look like. @vahnj

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"We're not cowards, were koBOLDs! Let's do this!!"

@vahnj this shitty half-pun has been in my head for hours.

media representations of trauma 

So I finally figured out why depictions of people dealing with ptsd/trauma in media almost always feel inauthentic, regardless of literal accuracy:

In media, if someone is dealing with trauma, it's for a narrative reason. There's a purpose for it. Ultimately, it's there for drama.

In the real world, it just feels arbitrary and unfair. Ugly. Not there for any purpose. Pointlessly cruel.

You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to say "I like it," "I don't like it," "I used to like it," "I might one day like it," or "I don't know if I like it."
You are allowed to dig up the garden and plant it again.
You are allowed to wonder what it would be like, in new skin, with new thoughts. A new you. A new here.
You are allowed to be different. You are allowed to stay the same.
You are allowed to be comfortable. You are allowed to seek change.

You are allowed to be you.

Me at 18/19/20: wow look how awesome I am having all these new relationship experiences! I'm handling this with maturity and respect!

Me now: lol past me was really pretty irresponsible with how she treated the emotions of both others and herself.

And tbh in five years I kinda hope I look back and see current-me the same way. I want to keep getting Better.

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I sometimes think about how I was 5 or 7 years ago. I thought I was hot shit, and had everything figured out. Poor naive little me.

But I have the companion thought of wondering if I'll look back and see 25-year-old Me the same way. I wonder if this much gained experience in each span of several years is just how people are, or this age range is particularly developmental. I guess those aren't really exclusive.

Anyway. Feeling marginally wiser is nice. I hope it continues.

Who the fuck still uses Ticketmaster. An almost 25% service charge is ridiculous.

More cool music making devices on youtube:
A bunch of floppy disks, hard drives, and a couple printers.
youtube.com/watch?v=KclRiK-L-_

(yes I know this is like a year old I just found it this week)

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I've seen a lot of cool music making devices on youtube over the years... and this is one of the coolest.

Wintergatan - Marble Machine
youtube.com/watch?v=IvUU8joBb1

Unfettered global keyword searches are the number one reason I don't post publicly on bird site.

Of all Twitter's features, "strangers and brands find my posts constantly because I said a word they like" is my least favorite by FAR

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I'm really, really glad that low-key seasonal rituals/offerings are a part of my life now. That do a whole lot to help me feel connected and grounded.

Marking time is important. Recognizing the changing of the seasons, the land, and the value of fellowship are important.

I've also been known to ask "am I supposed to know that?" in response to certain kinds of personal information being shared.

I'm not perfect at infosec myself, certainly, but trying is important.

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Whenever someone I know starts telling a story that involves sharing someone else's personal information​ -- medical, emotional, relationship, whatever -- I make a mental note to try not to share any of my personal stuff with them.

Trustworthiness​ is modeled.

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