Crinklewott 💕 @thingywott@awoo.space

@EeveeEuphoria gosh, mood

there's just something about knowing that i probably won't like a thing that makes me extremely curious about what it is

pictured: how i interact with birdsite

@EeveeEuphoria i feel like those are the "default" instances that people who are new to the idea of masto go to, so the culture of cw-ing things isn't really as strong there

both because more people came from places that didn't have cws, but also because they are surrounded by more people who don't use cws

it's pokemon day in japan!

it's great because that means there's a lot of extremely good art being posted that basically guarantees this will be a good day for me, hee~

maybe what i need is more practice being out there?

practice communicating, and practice with negative reactions--because i'm inevitably going to run into a lot of them in the future when i try to make things to help my friends

maybe i think i need to behave "extra good" on the internet because i'm abdl?

and that, by being one, it makes me much more likely to be misinterpreted for reasons of malice down the line to hurt my friends and me for simply existing?

it's weird to not know the things you've internalized subconsciously; but if that's the case, it would make sense why i never let my guard down, even in super-casual and low-risk situations

but why to this *extent*? i don't get it

maybe its my general suspicion of irony and poe's law?

the idea that i have no say in the general perception of my meanings, even if I know exactly what they were and others don't is intimidating

but not *that* intimidating, is it? why does it get to me so much?

do i really hate the idea that much of people coming to me years down the line to tell me that "actually, it's pronounced gif" or whatever?

9 times out of 10, my deletions are jokes that i'm not 100% sure 100% of people will interpret as one

it bothers me a *lot* when i can't get my meaning across, literal or not, and even the slight risk of it happening with a joke makes me feel like it's not worth it a lot of the time

but why do i only worry about that specifically online there? i tell plenty of extremely bad jokes irl

you can learn a lot about me by my self-deletion habits on twitter; a place where i was extremely performative initially, and still feel pressure to be for some reason

@noiob i've always kinda approached vocals like another instrument, since i very seldom really pay attention to lyrics

so, if the vocals really add to the music melodically, they don't tend to distract me--but if there's a real focus on them, i usually have a really hard time focusing

@PurrPurin Very!!! Good!!!!

something i'm starting to notice more and more is how most of the really popular people i know about seem to be both extremely stubborn and also have a pretty aggressive snark game

i wonder if its related?

@EeveeEuphoria i hear it was originally inspired by the internet

@noiob @tom hee, i guessed that was probably the case!

though, i also wasn't going to throw shade in case it was an actual interest--i actually know someone who is working extremely hard to make php more secure, and i actually respect their work a lot

i also have very little context about how far the language has come since i last wrote in it, so my views on it are probably not really representative of reality in php land

@noiob oh, huh, that's not too bad at all